Adventures of Pink Bonnet Girl

Who Am I Kidding? Where Am I In My Life?

2009-01-21T04:20:00.004-08:00

A few weeks ago, me and my dad accidentally met 2 Swedish backpackers a little bit younger than I am. They asked us for directions because they got lost going around Manila and we ended up driving them to the place where they were staying. On the way to their place we got to chat with them a little bit.

They were actually backpacking around the world for a couple of months... 4 months to be exact. They said they were on a break from graduating high school before going to college. They enumerated all the places they've been and they mentioned so many that I actually lost track... some places I haven't even heard. Another thing that struck me was that they were doing it because they wanted to find themselves, to see their options on what they wanted to do with their lives or if they decide to live in a foreign country.

It was amazing what they said. To be presented with such an opportunity such as that... that would have been something.

Obviously, I would not have the same fate as those two but I had my fair share of my own travels and experiences and that was enough for me to realize what I really wanted in my life.

Unfortunately, I have a big set back with those dreams. I really wish I could have done something different to change it. I keep telling myself to move forward and I am but sometimes I just get choked up.

It finally took a toll on me... everything that has happened for the past months finally hit me. I really thought I was able to move forward against my frustrations in life but who was I kidding?

I really do not know what to think anymore. Its like I am running out of hope and dreams for myself and my future. I have actually reached my all time low and tears just started dwindling down my face.

I fear that there won't be enough time to make things happen the way I want to. Like making my parents happy... giving them the life that they deserve. For them to be able to enjoy the remaining years they have instead of worrying about me. Providing them with the best health care. Buying my mom a pair of hearing aid. Being able to go on a complete family vacation. And the list just goes on...

I see a lot of people happy and content living their life to the fullest. And I keep asking myself where am I in my life?

A Black MacBook

2008-07-28T03:06:00.003-07:00

If ever I get this I want the black one… i just have a thing for black gadgets and I am trying my best to get most of mine in the black color. There is just something about it that makes stuff look classy. In addition, if ever I get this it would be my first Mac. For most part of my life I have been using a PC so this would be a big change. But Apple has been proving itself these days with the iPods and iPhones so I think switching to a Mac now is a good time… I got to try this at an Apple Store and its interface is amazing… it will definitely take some getting use to but it sure is a sweet laptop.

See more progress on: own a macbook

Confused, Puzzled and Drained...

2008-07-28T02:31:00.003-07:00

I didn't realize that starting a career would be this difficult and complicated. I underestimated it for the most part since I really thought that after college and having a degree everything will get better. In my field and my situation getting to my dream has been a constant struggle and emotionally draining.

I am totally clueless on what to do... its like I have played all my cards and nothing just seems to work my way. I cannot help but think that maybe I am not destined for this career or this country or maybe both. I keep on pushing myself towards this dream that in the end might not be even for me. I want to badly live the "American Dream" but it seems like it doesn't allow me to. Clearly, not everything seems to be going in my direction and that makes me think if this is truly the direction that life has stored for me.

It sucks that I cry every night about this and the only thing that can make me sleep is when I am super tired and exhausted. I cannot think and act right because I have this big weight on my shoulders. Its constantly in my head its all I ever think about. I am naturally a pessimist but at this point I have clearly doubted myself and everything I have going for myself. This is truly an all time low point in my life.

Being here in the US has been my dream ever since I was a kid and everyone who knows me knows that. It's just frustrating how things are turning out for me at this point... slowly I am really just losing hope. I am just praying that he gives me longer patience not to give up on this dream.

Still finding a job, life's uncertainties & frustrations

2008-07-05T20:26:00.003-07:00

Its been more than 2 years since I graduated and after that I had to endure series of examinations, reviews and study materials to prepare myself for the life and dream that I have always wanted. Its frustrating to see now having successfully done all those things that it still doesn't get me anywhere. Its even more frustrating when you know you cannot do something about it because you have no control over it.

Don't get me wrong life has been pretty good to me. But I have come to a point where you feel exhausted constantly thinking about your future and its uncertainty.

I remember my dad telling me that my life's path is not an easy one just like his. Everything has to be given so much effort and hard work. But because everything was done with so much perseverance I still end up succeeding. It takes time but I eventually get there.

I just hope that things will get better very soon. It is an everyday constant struggle for me to keep the momentum going. And that despite the fact that everything does not seem to be going my way I just have to keep on moving forward.

Great Company

2008-06-26T20:39:00.002-07:00

Its always nice to have people you care and love to be around you… seeing them again and staying with them for almost a month was super fun and well what can i say family is always family. Hopefully i get to see them soon.

See more progress on: Visit My Brother & His Family In The US

Finally Watched WWE Raw Live

2008-06-26T20:36:00.002-07:00

Its funny looking back I wrote about waiting for WWE Raw to come to California and unexpectedly they did one year later and the best thing was it was my birthday. Indeed it was so memorable since I got to watch it with my brother and it was my birthday and it was a live taping of RAW so what more could i ask for right? This was one of the best days of my life… next stop a live WWE PPV or who knows maybe Wrestlemania… woohoo!

See more progress on: Watch WWE Monday Night Raw Live!

Birthday Coming Up... WWE Monday Night Raw Here I Come!

2008-06-05T02:51:00.006-07:00

Its been 2 weeks since I arrived here in the US and I am still adjusting with the time difference (which is a bummer big time) since my eyes are like panda bears since I am not getting enough sleep or if I get to sleep its in the wrong time zone (usually mid morning to the afternoon) thus making me dysfunctional since bulk of the house chores etcetera is done during the day.

Nonetheless, I am enjoying every bit of reality shows (which i truly truly love) since I get to catch up on shows that were not shown in the Philippines or some episodes I missed since they have tons of reruns this time of the year. In addition, I got to see season finale of Grey's Anatomy and Lost which I thought was really really good.

Aside from that my birthday is coming up next week and I am super excited. I got an early birthday gift from my mom and dad which is a digital camera (woohoo!). I have been wanting one for ages. My old digital camera was an Olympus 3.2 megapixel (talk about obsolete) mind you though its still perfectly functioning but the quality of the pictures is not as great and the cameras in my cellphones even surpassed the quality of my old camera. I was convinced prior to being here in the US that I would invest on one to be able to freely take pictures and not rely on other people's camera. So getting one came at the right time.

My new camera the Canon Power Shot SD870 IS. I love the big screen and its easy access preview function (since a lot of good cameras don't have that).

Another awesome birthday gift I got from my Kuya and Sister In Law are WWE RAW Live tickets. I have to admit I was kind of having a hunch already about this probably due to the fact that my brother is not the best liar (hehehe). Its always been a dream of mine to watch them live but whenever I was here their schedules was nowhere near the Northern California area. What's even cooler was its a Monday Night Raw Taping so you'll know it will be a good show and its on my actual birthday (woohoo!). So this will be a first celebrating my birthday watching wrestling. Finally I get to see John Cena and the rest of the Raw roster in person. On Monday's show it will kick of McMahon's Million Dollar Mania so this show will be truly awesome.

This picture was taken in V-Mall (my brother and sis in law dared me to do this). It would be a stretch to meet John Cena in person so this is probably the closest I'll ever get (hehe) I am so excited to watch Monday Night Raw.

I shall tell you more on my Monday Night Raw experience as it happens. Surely a lot of pictures will be taken and shown in this blog.

My 22nd birthday hasn't arrived yet and surprises have been popping out already. At this point I am overwhelmed already and I am looking forward to even more greater things in the future.

Stagnant Life

2007-12-18T10:16:00.002-08:00

I need to get a good job and get my life rolling… life has been good to me but I cannot be mediocre and just be like this. I have dreams, ambitions I want to fulfill and those things will happen when I get a good job.

See more progress on: find a job

Miss Them A Lot

2007-12-18T10:13:00.002-08:00

Its been a few months since I last saw them I know this might seem exagerrated but its difficult to think about this when you are worlds apart. I do keep in touch with them constantly but its different it just seems like there is no emotion, miscommunication takes place… its very hard. I also miss taking care of my niece she is so adorable.

I just hope I get the opportunity of seeing them again soon. I don’t know when but I hope its going to be soon.

See more progress on: Visit My Brother & His Family In The US

Helping Colleagues

2007-12-18T10:06:00.002-08:00

I don’t know if its inborn or what but I do find satisfaction in trying to help out people. Its obviously not a bad thing and I enjoy doing it. I cannot stay put in one place and not doing anything… I just always try and find something to do.

So now I am contributing to my brother’s website about nursing stuff since many filipinos like me want to take a chance abroad. And I think many people are kind of clueless about these measures and I just want to be able to help them out. I know I had a difficult time and still am so being able to alleviate them of these things and make things simpler for them makes me happy.

So for those interested in reading articles go to this site: www.codedmushroom.com :)

See more progress on: make a difference

I Love This Phone

2007-12-18T09:59:00.002-08:00

I got an N95 and I was bummed since there wasn’t a color black which is my thing when it comes to gadgets and stuff… then I found out they were coming out with an 8GB version and its in black and I invested on this… so I saved up and got this phone. Its a good phone and comparing to the N95 it has bigger memory, bigger screen, better keys and better resolution and above everything else good battery life.

See more progress on: Own an N95 8GB

Christmas Approaching, Gadgets and Life Goals

2007-12-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas is nearing and well signs are showing such as increasing traffic (not that its not on regular days), more bazaars, people crowding malls (not that its unusual here too), children caroling and of course the more obvious ones such as lights and designs with christmas motif.

Anyways...

Its been pretty busy these past few months with my mom not around and just me and my dad hanging its been fun all the time. We had our moments but we learn to understand and each others moods. Its a good experience having this chance cause I get to learn a lot on how things work for him and how he goes about stuff in life in general. I also realize that I do have lot in common in him as compared to my mom in which I can say that I think my brother got her genes.

I think its always good to be busy. I still have anxiety over the recently concluded NLE which can I say sucked. Its always been tough for me to take these exams in general since your career and future is always on the line. Then it sucks even more because you passed this exam and then retaking it doesn't do you any good because it has this percentage of uncertainty. To make things even worse its Christmas season and as much as I want to celebrate fully with my hearts content theres this thought lingering in your head if you make it or not? if you deserve to celebrate or not? You cannot completely move on and you try to do your normal routines but taking these exams has been very disrupting (I think I have very poor coping skills).

The exam wasn't hard it was pretty basic but it was too basic that in my opinion it isn't in the scope of the nursing practice. It was too subjective meaning answers can vary from one person to another. One problem I have always found with the NLE is that they have these "targets" they want to out a group but it affects everybody else so in the end it won't be accurate.

Okay okay enough about the exam since it stresses me out... I will end it at that and just move on with the better stuff in my life.

I posted a WISHLIST here a few months ago and its funny I have achieved most of the stuff there prior to Christmas. Indeed I have so many things to be thankful for. I got a new phone, an iPod and well I haven't gotten a new camera but my phone makes up for it. So it's raining gadgets this season for me and my dad.

I have been updating songs to my dad's iPod Classic and I am a little bit overwhelmed since I don't know how I can fill up 80GB of songs in there its just too much space its really really crazy. Its so crazy that I had to buy an exernal hard drive to accomodate all the mp3's we have since its taking up too much space in my laptop.

As for my future life... its still uncertain... right now I am taking it one step at a time so as to not disappoint myself as well. But I will be honest, I want to get on with my life and get the ball rolling.

Hmm what else... well I cannot wait to visit my brother and his family in the US. I am not sure when would be a good time but I am looking forward to playing with my niece again. Obviously she won't remember me since she was just 6 months old the last time I saw her. She is growing up so fast and well she is just so adorable.

I also pledged to put more efforts to CODED MUSHROOM since helping people has been really one of my life goals. I want to make a difference in this world (yes I know its so cheesy but its true) there's this different level of satisfaction... I am starting little by little and hopefully in the long run I can turn this in to something bigger and I just admire people who creates positive change... I think it's pretty amazing.

I will end it here for now since I have tons of stuff to do that I just remembered. Til my next post!

My New Dream Car

2007-11-12T06:24:00.002-08:00

Okay my dad got an old version of the Rav 4 a few months back and well ever since I have always wanted a SUV or an AUV and I told myself that if ever I will get one it would be the new Rav 4.

I first started liking it because of the car that we have since the performance is good. And then its a high car so I can see the road clearly. I also like the fact that its big.

Hopefully, once I get my life going I would be able to afford one. I was first leaning on the color white since it just looked so elegant but then me and my dad were talking that in a few years time the color might turn yellowish and its going to be hard to maintain since white is white. So now, I really dig the silver color its so nice. I could just imagine having the 2008 Rav4 with an all black interior and a silver paint gosh its so nice plus the fact that my brother and his family can use it as an alternate vehicle sounds good to me. My niece’s carseat can fit perfectly there.

Me and my dad are kind of loyal to Toyota… I guess thats how its going to be for a long time.

See more progress on: Own a car

codedmushroom.com

2007-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since my last post and oh well I have been busy with a lot of stuff and one of the things I am currently working on is contributing to CodedMushroom.com

Its my brother's website but now he "re-hashed" it and made it to a writer's haven since its now a site for aspiring writers who have articles and well for those people who are interested go check out the site.

I personally contribute my own articles about Nursing stuff especially if it involves application for the NCLEX etc.

You can also read articles about sports such as the updates on the UAAP bouts and also wrestling specifically in WWE.

The articles are pretty interesting so if you are in to these things might as well visit the site and leave comments.

I also like the Sunday Six on A Monday since it recaps the highlight of the week in the world of sports and entertainment a pretty cool concept actually.

Hmmm maybe I will have my own segment aside from the Nursing stuff... oh well please help me spread the word about the site. I am pretty proud of this site and we want to go mainstream. For those interested in contributing email or message me.

Take care!

Wish List 2007

2007-09-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Every year I make a wish list of things I want to have. This gives me the motivation to work a little harder and set my eye on the prize.

MY SIMS on NINTENDO DS

As you all know I am kinda hooked on my Nintendo DS Onyx ever since I got back from the US. When I bought it prior to leaving the US I was feeling ambivalent about it since it was kind of pricey in my standards considering I was not working just yet. Nonetheless my brother convinced me to get it and now with the 3 games I have for it it really is a good past time and my free time is absolutely consumed by it. Now this game is currently released in the US and its just so cute so I hope to have it really soon since I am kind of getting tired of playing Harvest Moon, Diner Dash and Cake Mania (i know these are lame games but I really don't want to exert that much effort in thinking when playing games... sometimes I feel like I have a brain of a 10 year old when it comes to playing games)

BLACK IPOD NANO/ CLASSIC

Now I have a 2nd Generation iPod Shuffle and I have been using it for the past 8 months or so and its been pretty handy especially when you are at the gym because you just clip it anywhere and you are good to go. The only problem I have with it is that its very limited since it can only hold up to 250 songs and I miss having Playlists (I also used to have an iPod mini).

I am actually confused on whether or not I want a Nano or the Classic. The 1st and 2nd Generation Nano I wasn't much a fan of it since I thought it was too slim and I was thinking I could break it easily. I have this thing for bulky gadgets not lke super big but atleast reasonable enough to be considered handheld (this seems confusing but there are gadgets that are exagerratedly small) and with the 3rd generation iPod nano the size seems to be reasonable enough and 2000 songs not that bad either.

As for the iPod Classic I fell in love with it when I saw an actual one. The size of it seems okay and it goes well with my other gadgets. So I am still leaning towards this and for an additional $50 its not so bad that you get an 80gb iPod as compared to the Nano that is $200 with 8gb.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Mine is pretty obsolete but still functional. The megapixel is as good as the one in my camera phone so I need to go for something better. I mean it still takes great pictures but in time I would have to change it sooner or later.

So far these are the things that I want on my wish list and in time especially when my future is set I will be able to get them.

June 2007 Philippine Licensure Examination Results

2007-08-26T04:31:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to everyone and for my batchmates who are having difficulty to view the list of passers especially the list of successful retakers of 3 and 5 let me know and I will try to let you know as soon as possible. I have the list from DOLE via html format so I could help you guys out with it.

Congrats again and take care :) Good luck to your future endeavors ;)

The Law of Attraction, Slacking Off, Watching TV Series & Movies and Uncertainties

2007-07-31T05:56:00.000-07:00

Okay I have been battling myself to post an entry here in my blog ever since I got home but all I have are like series or numbers of drafts and in the end I do not post it. It was as if the post I created were senseless.

Ever since I got back I have been literally slacking off. In a way I felt it was justified after hearing I passed the exam and like what I said that exam was super hard. Then since movies in the US are kind of expensive (I mean if I convert it to Philippine Peso its so unreasonable) I missed out on a lot of movies. Thank God for the cheap movies and the you know what here I have been catching up and been watching DVD's for the past 2 weeks. Even on TV Series since I was studying I didn't get the chance to watch all the shows I liked and now I am catching up on previous seasons. I already finished Grey's Anatomy Season 3 and Halfway done on Nip/Tuck Season 4, The OC Season 4 and My Name is Earl Season 2 next on the line is Heroes, Ugly Betty and House MD Season 3.

I have yet to prepare to retake Test 3 and 5 of the Philippine Nursing Licensure Exam on December. I really feel bad in retaking this because I know I shouldn't be. I mean I passed it fair and square and now our batch gets to pay for the selfish actions of others its so unfair. If this just hadn't blown up in proportion none of this would have happened. But there is nothing I can do I mean I should just learn to accept it and move on the more I feel bad about this the harder it would be for me to study. I just find it nervewracking to take this test again its so unpredictable.

At the same time I am trying my luck on finding work abroad. I thought that after taking the NCLEX-RN exam it would be a lot easier for me. A big weight has been lifted definitely but there is something about being uncertain for my future that freaks me out a little bit. I am in the process of making my resume to try out my luck for sponsorships and work. Now I have come to realize that as much as there are so many demands for nurses it does not seem that a lot sponsor nurses or if there are they have so many restrictions.

Aside from the fact that I have so much idle time in my hands I really have minor stuffs to deal with. I have been slacking off and well I haven't had the guts to ask my dad to teach me how to improve my driving skills. I mean I can drive but after being in the US for 5 months and well seeing the roads here in Manila really scared the hell out of me when I got back. Literally I was shouting when I saw the jeepneys and buses swerve like crazy it takes some getting used to I guess.

I need to fix my Internet its too freaking slow so hopefully within the month the broadband thing can be finalized. I have no idea which company is the best to use but I need a faster internet. I cannot seem to get anything done with dial-up its frustrating.

Oh yeah I started on reading The Secret. I know its pretty late cause the hype with the book was few months ago. I actually heard this from my dad when he texted me about it while I was in the US. And one day I was at Costco looking around with my mom and then I saw the book so I got it and had it sent over to my Dad here in Manila. I was under the impression that he wanted to read it but then only to find out he wanted me to read it so that I would be inspired. So given the time in my hands I decided to read the book before sleeping or when I get tired of watching TV. I have to admit I had my reservations in reading the book cause it seemed so serious. I am only at the beginning and its very promising... I am really hoping that this book will shed light on me since I have so many uncertainties in my head.

Well its too early for me to reflect on my experiences with what the book says but it has something to do with the law of attraction and so far it does make sense.

Its barely been a month but I miss a lot of things in the US already. I miss my brother, sis in law and most especially my niece Lia. I could just imagine what she can do now she is 5 months. Its too bad I cannot be there when she starts feeding thats the fun part of infancy aside from the walking and stuff. I just wish to see her soon.

I hope I get to accomplish more soon... I definitely cannot stand being idle and just slacking off its not me.

Finally I Got A Laptop

2007-07-26T18:53:00.001-07:00

It is so convenient to have a laptop. Well its not really the top of the line ones but its functional and its on the new Windows Operating System which is pretty cool. I shall set my eye on getting a high end one when I get a job.

I am thankful that I manage to get through college using a desktop PC those were good memories :)

I am just enjoying this thing and all the more I have become a gadget freak hehehe…

See more progress on: Own a Laptop

My NCLEX-RN Experience

2007-07-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

It has been 3 weeks since I last took my NCLEX-RN Exam and up until now I am in a state of shock and awe. I am very fortunate and happy that I have made it since this is a big accomplishment for me and at least now after dweliing and thinking about this exam for the past 4 years ever since I went to college I can finally say that I am done that a big weight is finally off my shoulder.

I have a lot of reservation in making an entry about this because every one who will actually take it will have an individual experience with the exam. But if I can help or inspire someone with what I went through then I am all up for it.

I went to the US last February to take my exam and for other personal reasons. But for the big part of it the aim of my trip was really to be able to take the NCLEX-RN and pass.

You have to consider the environment of the place you are staying because it will take some getting used to. Also the time difference if there would be any you can give it a week before you can be truly adjusted. Do not forget the weather I mean we are a tropical country so more often than not a cold weather will take some getting used to. I had my share of jetlag only feeling sleepy around 5am in San Francisco and I loved the cold weather but you can only take so much of it and you would appreciate the use of thermal clothes and comforters.

In terms of study habits for most who take the exam outside the country stay for less than a week so more or less when you leave for the exam you are already prepared. In my case it was different since I had a month before I took my exam so I had time to review still. Most of my review materials I bought it there since books are heavy and bulky. And prior to leaving I already enrolled in review centers which are naturally cheaper as compared to enrolling abroad.

Assessing your readiness for the exam is hard and I think this is the hardest part. If there was one thing I could have corrected with my experience it would be this part. You have to be honest with yourself and truly ask yourself are you ready to take this exam? Its not enough to be equipped with the knowledge there is a lot more stuff involved with this than just being mentally ready.

I still took review classes in the US and it was not cheap especially for just a 4 day course but it was worth it because I was able to see the American perspective or approach with the questions and basically their way of learning. I have to say it was very different from ours they were very direct to the point and it was fast paced. Personally, learning this was very crucial for me since the NCLEX-RN questions were similar to this.

They say that once you made it through the local boards (PNLE) the NCLEX-RN would be easier and I disagree. Maybe the reason why they say this is because the NCLEX-RN is based on books and facts which is true but the NCLEX-RN requires higher form of thinking which includes Analysis and Application. All I can say is never underestimate the exam and be prepared to sit there for six hours answering 265 questions.

Don't freak out if you sit on the exam and you're computer doesn't shut down after answering 75 questions. Don't track down how many questions you have answered remember it's NOT the QUANTITY but the QUALITY of your answers. As long as the computer gives you questions be HAPPY that means its giving you the opportunity to pass. The harder the question the better.

These are the things that I could think of for now. I have a lot of making up to do in terms of my duties in PinoyBSN. For those people who have questions feel free to post and I would try to answer them as soon as I can. Let me know if you have topics that you would want me to discuss in terms of application, about the exam etc.

Take care everyone and God bless!

Great Memories

2007-07-22T18:35:00.001-07:00

It wasn’t a big party or anything but it was fun the mere fact that I spent it with important people in my life it was just an awesome day.

See more progress on: Have A Great Birthday When I Turn 21

I Finally Made It

2007-07-22T18:20:00.001-07:00

Such a good feeling that I already passed this exam. It took a lot out of me to get through this exam but it was all worth it. There is no doubt that its a difficult exam especially me being able to consume the alloted 6 hours… I am just glad that its all over and my dreams is turning in to reality :)

See more progress on: Pass the NCLEX-RN exam

Relationship with God, The Quote, Being Ambivalent and Living in America

2007-05-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

Giving so much effort and time to something that you have been longing seemed useless when things don't go as you planned it to be. You don't always get what you want but it doesn't mean that you have to give up on God when what you prayed for doesn't happen. It's not what we can get out of our relationship with Him.

Okay I read that line from one of my friend's blog entries and it struck me completely. I remember telling my brother how I seemed to have lost faith in him and how I felt that I did not have the connection when I pray to him. It actually bothers me because I feel I did what the quote said that I gave up on him. Right now, I am doing my best to regain my relationship with him. Every night I pray hard and I just try to be as honest as I can to rebuild the connection.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He Will make your paths straight. --(Proverbs 3:5-6)

I remember this verse from the bible because I used to have it posted in my room during my senior year in high school. It was one of the toughest time I have since this was the time in my life where my grades were at an all time low and to think I have to go to prepare myself for college it was a nightmare for any student. I cannot remember where I first got this verse but the moment I saw it it just changed my perspective. That last quarter of my senior year I had awesome grades and I got in to the school that I wanted to get in to and from that moment on things were really good for me.

Its funny that I stumbled upon this verse again. Right now, I am in a place wherein I am struggling and there is fear and lack of self confidence. Its like you really do not know where to pull the energy that you need to get through this experience. Its sad because as much as you are trying to move on there is doubt and fear.

Right now I am trying to challenge myself again and hopefully this time I can make it. Its pretty rough when time is your enemy it doesn't give you much space to grieve and reflect you just move on. Its painful enough to let yourself down but when people you care about gets disappointed as well its damaging.

I just try to move on with stuff and I guess right now it kind of sunk in already. I think I exert more effort now than before and I try my best to shut out everything around me. Its my weakness I am overly sensitive emotionally and to others and the tendency is that I eventually end up helping others before myself... which sometimes really suck.

Another thing I noticed about myself is that staying here in America made me have doubts if I really wanted to be here. Its weird because everyone knows I love the US and its my dream to be here. But then the past few months I have been here well I felt otherwise. So I tried sorting it out in my head and up until now I have no concrete answer to this. I am still AMBIVALENT.

I do not know if its because of the people I am with that makes me feel this way or just in general. Its difficult when you were raised in a certain way and then suddenly be placed in a very different situation. You try and do your best to be respectful and pleasing but its hard when its not reciprocated. I do not expect to be rewarded or anything just a little sensitivity and respect.

All the more that I experience these things the more I miss my family back home. Now, I appreciate how they were forming me to be this person I am today. I am having difficulty embracing these things that I hear and see because its different from how I grew up and its sad that as much as you want to correct or react to it you can't because that is just how they are. Their ideals are different from mine and I just have to respect that but sometimes it really is just frustrating.

I cannot believe it but sometimes in my head I cannot wait to go back home. Maybe if I did not have any responsibility to do around here I would have been home already. Its been really crazy and emotionally draining with this trip.

Like what I said I have been very ambivalent... during our overnight trip to Santa Cruz and Monterey I was happy for some strange reason. That trip was more than just a trip of going to some place new or sight seeing. Yes it was exciting to be there since it was my first time but it was really like a breath of fresh air.

It reminded me why I wanted to live and be here in the US. That America is more than just the confinement of the home and all of the stressful stuff that was in it. That is maybe the reason why I am so eager to go out and just be at some place... just to be able to vent out and be myself.

Its funny I was in Borders this afternoon reading a book. All of a sudden my eyes got teary eyed which led to this post because all of this stuff was in my head except for the part of the quotes since before I started this entry with the quotes in it and I never finished it and just saved it on draft.

I was watching the season finale of America's Next Top Model last night and the winner, Jaslene she said something about second chances and just trying your hardest... its a different ball game in my story but if I do the same maybe I can do it also. And then I saw a part of Rev Run's show Run's House where he does this daily reflections at the end of the show he said something if you give yourself that extra push and if you try harder you can be surprised with what you can do.

So I am holding on to these thoughts and I really really want to get over all of these and hopefully I will be successful this time. I have no idea what I will do with myself if this will not work out this time around. I am working my ass off and after this entry I am going to work a little more harder.

Procrastinating, Therapeutic Writing and Pink Notes

2007-04-24T02:36:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to prevent myself from posting here because I think and I know I have more important things to do. So even if I want to write something I stop myself since I know I have better things to spend my time on.

But thanks to my adorable brother who gave me this magazine that I read in my extra time like going to the bathroom I have come to realize so many things especially about health and other emotional and psychological matters.

Some articles that I came across which caught my attention was about PROCRASTINATION (which I am guilty of) and an article about WRITING YOUR THOUGHTS (which I am also guilty of and I believe is my best way to convey something).

So here I am again writing. It was mentioned in the article that people who expressed their thoughts through writing perform better. Personally, I think this is true because having my thoughts written just gives me that extra space in my brain to think about other things. Writing in my blog is like my "recycle bin" once I place my thoughts here it gives me that extra space I need for my head for other stuff and its emotionally therapeutic. The 3R's: REFLECT, RECORD and REALIZE.

PROCRASTINATION... definitely I am guilty of this and I think this developed when I was in college and now it has become a habit which I know should be stopped. At first I thought it was good because it gives me a little stress and that makes me perform better. It might have worked for me when it came to school stuff but I think that now that I am in another phase in my life which involves building a career for myself its a whole new ball game.

The article gave out reasons why we procrastinate they mentioned PERFECTIONISM, EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE and FEAR and I am guilty of these three things.

PERFECTIONISM

I have a habit of wanting to do something perfectly and when I kind of feel that its not as good as I want to be I leave or divert myself and do something else. In reality, I know I cannot always leave something behind and I cannot control everything that comes my way. Change is inevitable.

EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE

I have apprehensions about negative emotions (who doesn't right?) if I could avoid them I would or if I feel them I try to mask them. I just need to face it... life isn't always on the upside.

FEAR

Every one has their own set of fears and when you are faced with your fears its paralyzing. I have my superficial fears like heights, horror movies and theme park rides but what is more destructing are the emotional fears because it is somewhat unavoidable you will never know when it will hit you and when it hits you its so damaging.

I just got my fair share of this recently and its too painful that every day I hate myself for it. In the end I think its about owning responsibility, realizing your mistakes, moving on and do better next time around.

So thanks to HEALTH Magazine (March 2007 edition) for the insights and tips. Their magazine is very refreshing and because of it I have learned a lot about myself today.

Time to move on and make the change!

PINK NOTES:

I am deeply sad that I am not able to write a separate entry for my favorite past time but I still have a hang over from yesterday's Monday Night Raw.

Mad props to CENA and HBK for a great match which me and my brother thinks should have been the REAL WRESTLEMANIA match. It was awesome their match almost covered the 2nd half of the show. It was slow paced but their wrestling techniques were so good and how the match was just made it was a classic so KUDOS to the both of you.

I am sad that CENA lost but I know he will step up for the next PPV and still be THE CHAMP. Oh before I forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN and well whatever success you have right now you deserve it. Kampai!!!

Oh the internet also has lots of WWE gossips and me and my brother were talking about the Orton Issue of him being kicked out of the European Tour. They said it was because of some stomach virus but then another reason surfaced that he trashed a hotel room and something about being passed out. I do not know which is true but me and my bro had a talk about if Orton really is in trouble who could possibly replace him in the "BIG NINE". (The Big 9 are the top wrestlers which includes: Cena, Taker, Lashley, Triple H, HBK, Batista, Mysterio, Edge and Orton) and I think Mr. Kennedy (or should I say Mr. Money In The Bank) has the potential... I admit he has the makings of a Stone Cold Steve Austin... (The Condemned in theatres on April 27).

Oh well I need to really end this... looking forward to our mini trip for my sis in law's birthday celebration... finally I can continue my Pink Bonnet Adventures...

Smell ya later... byers and take care!

--Pink Bink ;)

Awesome Weekend, Accomplishing Something & Being A Queen

2007-04-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

Up until this very moment I am completely blown away with what happened this weekend. I think this was THE BEST WEEKEND EVER for me so far in my staye here in the US.

Saturday, March 31:

Okay I think people have known that this is my JUDGMENT DAY. It was hard I mean really hard way different from the NLE and every time I answer a question it just gives me a heart attack and not knowing when it will stop or if it will ever stop... this exam is such a pain but on the other hand it just feels good that I got to accomplish this after 4 grueling months of preparing and waiting. I do not know the end result of this but I hope I make it.

Everytime I think about the exam I feel more nervous than ever... I still have that chest pain every time I get the chance to think about the exam of making or not making it... but above everything else I just leave it to HIM, he knows what is good for me.

So after taking the exam I was hungry, exhausted and out of my mind LITERALLY I was telling the blow by blow of things and well I was telling it in a very funny way it was just my way of coping but deep inside I felt a little crappy.

So I sulk my frustrations in FOOD which was always the best way to go... we ate at CHEESECAKE FACTORY (thanks to my brother and sis in law...HEAVEN the food was HEAVEN) this dining experience was the highest form of gluttony that I have ever done (second was what happened the following day hehehe).

And then to digest all this food we went around VALLLEY FAIR which was one of the most beautiful malls I have seen here and its big. We went around and did some window shopping. We are currently in search for Nintendo Wii as it is currently sold out everywhere.

On our way home I was definitely passed out and on to the following day...

SUNDAY. APRIL 01:

Oh yeah this day was THE day for all WWE fans (so that includes me and my bro) and we just planned and prepared everything til the last detail. We got PIZZA and BOOZE and then at home his dad in law made THE BEST RIBS EVER. Finally I got to eat so HUMONGOUS RIBS it was great.

Pretty much our day was occupied in watching WRESTLEMANIA 23 on PayPerView. I would not go much in to detail here since I would be writing another edition of PINK NOTES for this glorious event.

Regarding our bet, my guy won... so PROPS to CENA (you deserve it no matter how the crowd reacted) because I get to be hailed QUEEN every time I enter a room with my brother in it for a WEEK (until April 8, 640PM) its an awesome feeling... hahaha its fun. I don't know but it was my first PPV here in the US and I was so happy I did not know if the alcohol had something to do with it but it was absolute chaos at the house during the main event... it was hella fun!

And to top it off I won in the WWE Fantasy Salary Cap 9 I beat my brother by 2 points... whew now for this I thank THE GREAT KHALI...

It was just a great week... an absolute bliss.

So I end it here and watch out for my PINK NOTES regarding my thoughts on WrestleMania 23...

God bless... Adios Amigos-- Pink Bink ;)

In Pursuit of Happyness

2007-03-28T02:06:00.000-07:00

Never let anybody take away your dream

Yup you read it right its the movie Will Smith and his son is in. I have always wanted to see this film the moment I laid eyes on its trailer way back when I was in the Philippines. Too bad before I left the country the movie was just about to be shown.

I always had it in mind to have it on queue on my brother's Netflix account only to find out that it was going to come out yesterday and my brother told me he was going to get it on DVD. He said it was inspiring and I needed inspiration.

I also know that I promised myself that I would not be writing here in my blog until after my exams but I could not help myself after watching the movie. I felt I needed to reflect on my own life... I just needed a release.

There were scenes in the movie that made me cry one of which was when Chris and his son went to the beach just to get away from everything I think it was the same place that my brother brought me when I first arrived here in San Francisco. That day was so special for TWO reasons:

After a year and eight months I finally get to see my brother in the flesh. It was the most wonderful feeling. I was in complete awe that day to the point that I couldn' t even cry because I was in such disbelief that he was there in front of me, that we were able to bond, share opinions, thoughts, ideas face to face.

Another thing going through my head was that I was finally here in America going through the last steps towards my future and career. It was so surreal that soon enough I was going to live the life I have always dreamt of for me and my family.

And then another scene in the movie that I will never forget was when he was hired in the company when Chris was all teary eyed while he was being accepted in the company after the 6 months internship.

I cried because I know how it felt and in a way I hope I would feel that way again. (Kind of confusing huh?) Well I never thought that I would be going through pretty tough times when I chose this profession my four years in college was pretty hard and then my licensure exam in the Philippines and its surrounding controversies was another pain in the head both mentally and emotionally.

And now that another challenge is on my way I hope I can surpass this challenge successfully among all the exams that I am going to take this is THE exam its like the WRESTLEMANIA of all my licensure exams (uhm okay where the heck did this analogy come from??? i just had to put something about WWE somewhere... cannot help it... sorry!!!)

Kidding aside, this is really an important exam for me and being in a position wherein you do not know what is going to happen is pretty uncomfortable. I remember when I fixed the requirements needed in taking this exam I was just so focused and I made sure that every detail was right. I was so pissed after a month when they wrote a letter asking for additional requirements that was not part of the original requirements they had because I know it would take my application longer and then it was not a normal document in school so it took them quite some time to accomplish. And then I received a call from my brother and sister in law informing me that I lacked more documents and hearing that just made my heart sank and then they told me eventually that it was a joke that I had an AUTHORIZATION TO TEST.

That moment pretty much sucked because I was on the verge of crying upon hearing those words... when they told me that they were just kidding me I CRIED. For some strange reason I didn't even know why I was crying I mean it was just a paper giving me the GO signal to be able to take the NCLEX-RN exam its not even passing the exam yet (I am so weird).

But looking at it now, I think it just shows how badly I want to make it through this test and I hope I make it.

There is this little part of me that feels scared, anxious, ambivalent and uncertain on how this exam would go for me that is a given. You can never predict what questions are going to come out so at the end of the day as long as you work hard, give your best effort and ask for his guidance you will do great.

The scene in the movie wherein Chris ran out of the building with all the people whom he referred to as "happy" and then him finally experiencing that moment because he got the job I hope I get that feeling again soon. I cannot help but keep on running that moment in my head over and over again. This would be a moment of happiness for me and the people around me. And after that it starts again... we will always find something to make us happy...

Personally, I will always be in pursuit of happiness... we will always be (I think).

Things To Do After My Exam (Revised/ Part 2) & Some stuff about Wrestlemania and Bets

2007-03-26T00:58:00.000-07:00

I was super emo in my last post on my reflections in life, career, future and profession and well sometimes when I start posting here I cannot help myself because this is really the best way to go with all of my emotions like what I always say I am not much of a verbal person its hard for me to express my feelings this way. This entry will not take quite long to make since I have to study in like 5- 10 minutes... see I set time limits.

So far plans have been revised the going out thing after my exams still stands though since I got to see Santana Row/ Valley Fair area in San Jose last Friday and oh my gosh I missed the place since I haven't seen it since the last time I was here and that was almost 2 years ago. It is so beautiful I felt like I was in The Hills or something because the people were hella dressed up and quite honestly I still haven't catched up to that whole fashion stuff and dress to impress stuff its just not me. Nothing against it because I do admire them but its not just my thing personally. I like the place so much and you know the idea of being able to look around and walk freely.

So we will still eat in Cheesecake Factory, walk around the area and who knows maybe buy a thing or two... but personally just the idea of being able to walk around the mall already makes me happy.

And then on April 1 its like THE DAY for all WWE Fans cause its Wrestlemania and I haven't seen this PPV for ages already and now I get to see it on PPV which is awesome but its still our dream (my brother and I) to be able to watch one LIVE but I know this will happen in time. (Darn it! we were expecting Vegas to be the venue for Wrestlemania 24 since its nearer in California but it ended up in Orlando... but like what I said it will happen in time).

I know the whole Izzie Stevens is my thing the whole cooking and stuff but at some point I think I will change it I am leaning more towards ordering a HELLA BIG ROUND TABLE PIZZA and a BUCKET of KFC CHICKEN and some FIXINS and some BOOZE and ALCOPOP. (I know its like GLUTTONY... but food is just really a way of coping especially post exams). I think doing things that way would be more fun because then I would be able to savor the Wrestlemania moments.

And to make things even more exciting me and my brother had a bet between the match of Shawn Michaels and John Cena. Of course we have our favorites and yup you got it right of course I have faith in my guy and I hope my gut feel is right that John Cena would retain his championship belt... I just feel that he deserves to win he has been working his ass off... John is an epitome of a great wrestler... never complains and just gets the job done. And my brother feels otherwise that HBK would win do not get me wrong I love HBK and he is like in my Top 5 favorite wrestlers of all time I practically grew up watching that guy but then again I have faith in the Champ.

So on with the bet... courtesy of my sister in law that whoever wins the match for a week we have to greet the "winner" every time he or she enters the room with this phrase: "ALL HAIL KING/ QUEEN (Name)" with emotions and gestures. Trust me with me and my kuya's antics and humor this is going to be fun... win or lose really looking forward to this.

And then another bet is on the works because for the past 10 weeks we have been playing WWE Fantasy wherein every week you have like imaginary USD 30 Million as budget to create your own line up of WWE Superstars in which you think you can give you the most number of points based on the actual shows on the 3 brands every week. Its addicting because you get passionate when you watch its as if USD 30 Million is really on the line (heck I feel like I am Vince McMahon/ Chairman of WWE thinking if the stars I chose were a good investment or not) and you really tend to look forward to the show since you really root for your choices since you also want to do good with the WWE Fantasy Scoring. Of course if you are a hig scorer in the whole league you get prices but on a personal note me and my kuya are not aiming in winning the whole league since the others are just so good... we compete with one another trying to beat each other out strategically and verbally.

He said that for a first timer I am quite good since he has been playing for the past 3 leagues were just happy if we end up with a rank in 3 digits. So now since WWE Fantasy League will end with Wrestlemania 23 whoever gets the highest score will do have to do the bet/ consequence... we are still waiting for what bet it would be but its going to be fun cause I am going to kick his ass off haha... (or maybe not).

I mean right now me and my kuya are already having fun playing rock, paper, scissors (or jack en poy as we call it in the Philippines) in terms of who gets to wash the dishes so far I am doing a great job in winning since I have washed the dishes only once this week... so I am so looking forward to these petty bets (can you see how lame we get).

Cannot wait for April 1 since I have come to terms to myself that this would be the day that I would just put my guard down and at least for a day not worry about the result of my exam and just have fun. And after April 1 I can go back to worrying and thinking about the "what if's" of my exam.

I am looking forward also to spending time with my niece and to those sleepless nights of changing diapers and feeding in the middle of the night and her finally being able to use her super pretty baby crib. Its going to be fun experiencing those stuff because I have always wanted to have a younger sibling to take care of and now its going to be like that. Its weird cause I feel like I am more of an older sister than an aunt which I hope is a good thing.

Okay time for me to study... adios and now I can really promise to post after my exams.

Pray for me whoever gets to read this for the success of my exams. Kampai!

Final Reflections Until Judgment Day about Life, Future and My Profession

2007-03-26T00:06:00.000-07:00

"Success is not measured by whatever exam you passed or whatever achievement you had. The important things here on earth are the lessons that you learned from those experiences. If you fail it doesn't mean you're a failure, maybe God wanted you to exert more so you can be the best RN pretty soon..."

Okay I am like 6 days away from my exam date and I am not so sure if posting in my blog is the right thing to do for now. I actually promised myself that I will write another entry here after my exams but as always things have a funny way of happening and I came across to a friend of mine's blog who took the NCLEX-RN just recently and the quote that you see in the beginning of my entry actually came from him actually what his proctor told him after taking the exam and well it got me thinking too... so here I am talking to myself again, reflecting on stuff thru my blog.

I finally got to see my testing center last Saturday and that is where everything sank in. My heart was pounding and there was this sudden burst of emotions inside me... it was weird. I was excited and at the same time scared because every time I take these kind of exams I always have the feeling that I want to get over it but not yet because the exam holds such a big weight on my life... these exams basically determine my future and my life.

When I was in college in the Philippines whenever me and my friends talked about our life after school this is what I have always talked about, being a RN, living my dream in the US and basically just having a good life and be able to share it with my family. And now that I am getting there it just seems surreal that I am at this point in my life.

Preparing for this exam was kind of exhausting because it has given me constant challenges most especially in the emotional aspect of things. In my one and half month of stay here in the US I have cried more than the number of times I have shed a tear in the past 2 or 3 years of my life. It is weird America can really get the best out of you. I think my brother was right he was telling me that I was feeling this way because this "phase" I am getting in to is like my passage to adulthood. The time wherein you think about your career and future. Like what my dad always tells me it is one thing to have things planned and its another thing to get things done.

In reference to the quote I posted... I agree that experiences are good teachers and success is not merely measured by accomplishments because I admit I had my fair share of failures but then again you try to learn from those mistakes and you do your best for them not to happen again.

I also think that being a good RN is not merely based on exams but I know these exams are there for a reason because you deal with lives and that of course is not a joke. What I like so much about this profession though is that it constantly challenges you to do your best and you get to face different people from all walks of life. So I think the real challenge of this profession begins after you become a licensed nurse. It's what you do with that priviledge given to you that is important. To be able to take care of people and create an impact in their lives its the most beautiful feeling one could ever have.

I do hope I make it I have fell in love with this profession as much as it demands a lot from me physically, mentally and emotionally.

Things To Do After My Exam

2007-03-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

My anxiety level is kind of up there already considering I have less than a week before my actual exam day. Its kind of scary thinking that an exam will be able to dictate how my career would go but then again it will still be up to me how I would want things to happen after all I am going to be the one giving the answers to those test questions.

Its kind of funny because I really never expected that things would be like this for me... it was very challenging to choose Nursing as my profession... anyone could get the degree but its another thing to fulfill it... and the only way I am going to do that is to be a REGISTERED NURSE. Taking these exams can really make you or break you... of course I hope I make it this has been my dream.

I feel ambivalent because I cannot wait to finish taking this exam because I can do whatever I want and I can go wherever I want to go with nothing holding me down since you know you have obligations prior to the exam. At some point, I think I do not want to take the exams because of the weight it bears for my career and future. I am afraid to wait for the unknown... the result if I pass or fail so as much as I can do what I want still at the back of my head I will still think about the exam... it will be there until the results come out.

But then I cannot help but think of things to do after I take the exam and I think me and my brother will start it with something good to do.

On March 31st after I take my exam me, my brother, sister in law and baby Lia will go out in San Jose and visit Valley Fair. Its their way of celebrating with me getting through with the exam and we will eat at CHEESECAKE FACTORY which is absolutely the best place ever and is absolutely one of my favorite restaurants here... and as their name tells it they have the best cheesecakes ever... (I just hope I am worthy of this celebration). Then we go out for a little while and walk around Valley Fair since this will also be the first time my Ate Malou goes out after being on house arrest/ bed rest for her recovery.

And then yesterday I got inspired and missed cooking... so I told my Ate and Kuya that I will cook on April 1st. I will cook my specialty dish which is BAKED MACARONI/ SPAGHETTI whichever works... we were originally going to order ROUND TABLE PIZZA because we are going to watch WRESTLEMANIA 23 so that is still on the table and then maybe I will also cook up desert. (it is weird I feel like I am a bit like Izzie in Grey's Anatomy wherein she cooked all those muffins when she was stressed out... its my release on my anxiety for the exam). And then hopefully by 4PM I would be done and just have a blast watching Wrestlemania 23 with some alco-pop in hand. April 1 is going to be such an awesome day... I really hope so.

And then after that... I really do not know what else I would do... I am looking forward to the day wherein my niece would be sleeping in her crib wherein my bed is also in... so we would be room mates... that is going to be fun... because I get to really spend time with her and you know get to experience the real deal of waking up early in the morning to feed her, change dirty diapers... its going to be fun.

I also know that my Kuya and Ate's Wedding Civil Anniversary is coming up I know I won't be included in that but its still a celebration.

Its a crammed birthday week for us here since its John Cena's birthday on the 23rd then my mom celebrates her birthday on the 24th and then my Ate on the 26th... woohoo... PARTY!!!

Hmmm what else... I know there will be more stuff to do here to keep me busy after the exams... the study part is over but then the wait would be more grueling... I just hope I make it... my life depends on it and I need to make it and above everything else people are rooting for me I cannot let them down.

An Advice for My Kuya

2007-03-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

Today and well the rest of the week was not so good for me and for some people close to me. I have never been put in to a place wherein there is just so much tension, pressure and drama its crazy... I am just not so used to those things happening almost every day its blah... I guess that is what you get when there is not much clear communication amongst people staying in one roof.

I think I was on the verge of having my fuse exploding I try to be patient most of the time and be understanding of people and to tell you honestly its hard since more often than not it does not work to your advantage all the time but you take it in because you know that made a person feel happy or good about themselves and for me that is a big accomplishment I always think as long as I can make a difference even in the littlest of things that is enough for me.

My brother whom I dearly love and care is in a very stressful situation these past months from his wife being pregnant, hormonal and mood changes, giving birth, being super emo and then having a baby and living with his in- laws then add me up staying with them. So you could just imagine the circumstance he is in... I know its crazy.

So recently, his stress is showing in his actions in his face and even his ears because when he is stressed out his ears turn so red and he scratches his head. As his sister I try to deal with it and then take it all in... in short trying to be a shock absorber because to tell you honestly I'd rather have him tell me all these than him telling other people because as much as there are negative things I can just gulp it in and not give any pretentions or bad thoughts in to things... I mean he can tell his wife because obviously its his wife and she is very understanding but then again she will also have her limitations especially if at some point the part of the issue is her family.

I kind of feel bad since today was the turning point of our relationship as siblings for the past 5 years or so we haven't had a major misunderstanding like this one and its sad because I am not used to us fighting anymore. When I stepped here in the US for a visit I have always told myself that I will try my best to be there for him because prior to this trip I am aware of his situation. And now that I am here for more than a month I believe I have kept my word except for this incident and that makes me feel sad.

I just think that at this point right now he is not grasping what I am trying to point out because everything is a big blur for him now. And for my part I think I should have been more patient rather than bombarding him.

So I shall say my piece regarding all these issues here since more or less he would read this and he knows I can express myself better in writing and well after this I will TRY to keep my mouth shut about the matter not unless he asks for my opinion again.

I apologize for being so hard or tough with you maybe I ended up being like this because this is what I learned from not having you around in some crucial times in my life especially in school and well with my stay here its just how things work you say what you want or you do not get it... you know this better than I do right? I know there were times wherein I appear to be blunt about giving you observations or advice on things that is going on with your life I just took it that you got use to those things (you are aware that there are far more harsh people than I am right?) and you said it yourself there are times that you have to be blunt to convey what you want to say... there are some issues in you that just keeps on coming back and I just thought that by this time it was already resolved... but up until now its not.

I know it hurts to hear something negative about your character all the more about people you love and care. But then you have to accept that they have their flaws I say it as an act of concern not as an act to ridicule or humiliate someone. It will still depend on you, on what you do with the advices or realities you hear... its all about trying to look at things in a positive perspective. And if that is too hard for you to do, for now get the good and drop the bad parts of what I or other people say.

Like what I always tell myself change is inevitable so you cannot stop or get stucked because that is when things get complicated. This is what is happening to you right now you're stucked in this emotion of feeling "stressed out". Stress is something that is suppose to make you function better it shouldn't overpower you.

You have a family now and I know that is a lot of responsibility and a lot to take in because everything happened so fast for you ALWAYS remember this:

God will not give you something you cannot handle.

You just have to overcome that feeling and everything will proceed smoothly. Do not try too hard because you are going beyond the level that you can handle for now... take things one step at a time do not think too far ahead... and to begin with if you enjoy what you have and what you do everything should come as a breeze you just need to overcome this phase.

In additon, you need to be strong as harsh as this would sound you are the head of your own family now and your family gets strength from you so no matter how tough or hard life is you cannot show it you have to keep your composure... its one thing to be open and conversing with your wife and its another thing to break down like what you did today and the other day that even the littlest of things pissed you off. I am guilty of these types of situations and there is no excuse for such actions.

I am trying my very best to make things easier for you and your wife in the best way that I know I can help and if I have no exam in the way believe me I would have done more. Just let me deal with this exam and I will try to be of help to you guys even more.

I know the things here might be too much for you to take in and I am sorry but somebody has to do it. I know you might be even more pissed at me with this and I know that you would prefer to be hearing this from someone with authority and experience like Dad. As much as he entrusted me to you I am also entitled to do that to you after all we are brother and sister.

Wrestlemania 23

2007-03-14T07:00:00.001-07:00

Wrestlemania 23 is of course the event of all events when it comes to the field of Sports Entertainment and as John Cena places it its like the Superbowl of Wrestling. Its been a long time since I last watched Wrestlemania since in the Philippines it was always delayed and it was just recently that we were able to catch up with the WWE shows here in the US. They even developed a strategy wherein we can watch other WWE PPV’s so we go in to a cinema and pay for a ticket and we watch it on the big screen with no commercial breaks with the other WWE fans… that was always awesome and fun… I miss those days since PPV here in America are hella expensive as compared to what I pay in the Philippines.

So now I am here in the US and that is the day after my exam… I will indulge myself to a Round Table Pizza and some alcopop and watch Wrestlemania 23 on PayPerView with my brother. Its the best way to release my anxiety about the exam and atleast for a decent 4 hours or so I can not worry about passing or not and just enjoy watching great sports entertainment and see cute men in tights or shorts (just kidding… (this doesn’t sound so good ewww).

I am so looking forward to this and me and my Kuya have been planning this thing for the longest time the matches are going to be AWESOME can’t wait for Wrestlemania oh yeah!

See more progress on: Order & Watch A WWE PayPerView here in the US

Great American Bash

2007-03-14T06:41:00.001-07:00

My trip here in the US hasn’t really been on my side WWE schedule wise… on my first month of stay here they were in the California area but I couldn’t watch since I had something important to do… and besides the schedules that they had here were kind of far from where I am. And now I find out that a PPV is on its way here in San Jose which is near our place and its frustrating since tickets are HELLA expensive and the scheduled date which is some time in July and I do not know if I would still be in the US by that time… but above everything else ticket prices are too high… oh well it wasn’t meant to be i think… so hopefully by the time I visit America again I get to see either a PPV, Wrestlemania or a Monday Night Raw Taping… and it wouldn’t hurt to also dream meeting my favorite WWE Superstars :)

See more progress on: Watch A WWE PayPerView

Feeling A Little Burned Out

2007-03-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

I feel really tired this week and I do not know why. My body aches, my head is throbbing, my eyes wants to sleep its crazy. But then I again I keep on telling myself that there are other people in this house that is more deserving to complain but not me...

My judgment day is about to come in 19 days and everything is just crazy at this point in time. I have to make it and this is a matter of life and death... like what I always tell myself SUCCESS is my ONLY OPTION there are so many people rooting for me and I cannot disappoint them as well.

In a way I think God is testing me how far I would go to be honest there were some circumstances or situations that happened these past few weeks that I did not foresee happening. I thought that after my sister in law's baby comes out every thing will be back to normal and I could focus on my review this was not the case... so many things happened not that I did not like it because I enjoyed doing it especially taking care of my niece... she is such a cutie pie.

But then again I tell myself that God wouldn't be putting me in a situation I cannot handle... its been tough especially for me I mean I am the type of person who is other centered... its weird its kind of an automatic thing for me to considerother people especially people who mean so much to me to come first even before my own needs and if I can help I try to help.

Its been crazy every time you decide to start studying there will always be some thing else to do its crazy... really crazy.

I have to admit its been very stressful and I am tired but I cannot be tired since I have work to do still...

I hope I can get over the exam its such a big burden in my chest but then again I want to get over it with the assurance I know I can make it... and I just need time to study and just everything else out... its driving me crazy.

My Top Gadgets

2007-03-06T10:02:00.002-08:00

Me and my brother were on our way to Safeway when he asked me this and then I decided to write about it so I won't forget and work hard to get it. Actually I am kind of torn since I like PINK a lot but I do not think they look good in all gadgets (see even my Pink fetish has limitations) I think gadget wise I like it in black because it looks sleek and classy... pink gadgets are nice to look at in the beginning but eventually you tend to not like it thats the case for me... exception to the rule is the Nintendo DS Lite since its meant to be cute and its nicer in Pink as compared to the black one... for me :)

Laptop

Toshiba Satellite

I have been wanting one ever since forever... me and my desktop PC at home have a long history of projects and stuff but I graduated that stage already so I think a laptop would do me good as long as it can play decent and various forms of media I would be okay with it and as long as it has a nice screen nothing too small nor too big. And enough hard drive space and fast internet and I am good with it... it won't hurt if its Windows Vista ready already.

iPod

Apple iPod 30GB

I have transitioned from one version to the other I started with my iPod mini then eventually switched to the 2nd generation of iPod shuffle which I really liked because its so small and handy. I have yet to wait for whatever added feature comes next... if the video that leaked out re the iPod Video with the interface similar to that of iTunes then I would have to set my eye on that... its so cool.

Digital Camera

Sony DSC T-100 8MP

My digi cam is obsolete and well I wanted a thinner one and with a bigger screen and of course megapixel but then again my cam still works wonders for me for now but in the future I would want a smaller and lighter one.

Nintendo DS Lite (Pink)

I am weighing it down between a Pink PSP or this one but then according to my brother I would enjoy a DS Lite more due to the limited ability that I have with games. Most games in DS Lite are the cute ones and well sad to say those are my kind of games. I really really want to try the surgery game and more of those brain games...

Cellphone

Apple iPhone

I have to say I enjoy my Nokia N90 phone right now to begin with there is not much people calling me so my phone has not much function (so people interested... call me!... just kidding!) I do not like small phones it just doesn't work for me I feel like I will have an arthritis especially when sending text messages. I think I am over my phone craze because before I used to change phones every 3 months when I was in the Philippines. But the N90 works for me it has a nice camera and features for a basic phone. But then again if I would upgrade I think I would just wait for the iPhone.

PDA

Palm TX

I used to own a phone with a PDA and I kind of miss that part since I am a bit (or a lot) of an organize freak so I like everything written down from list of things to do and appointments or schedules it just makes everything easier... and since I swapped that phone I am back to bulky organizers and big calendars which works wonders for me still but a PDA would have been cooler.

Well that's about it for my top gadgets I still have a long way to go before I can get these stuffs but just setting my eye on the prize... among all the things listed here I think the most important thing to get is a laptop... the others are just basically wants and the laptop is more of a need... so if I were to choose from the 5 I would settle for a laptop and this would be my priority aside from the car once I start earning.

Things Inside My Head About Life

2007-03-06T08:06:00.000-08:00

America can really get the best out of you and missing my family has been one of the grueling experience. It exhausts you both mentally and emotionally.

I could just imagine how my brother feels since he has been here for a longer period of time as compared to me. I cannot wait to see my mom again after a month. Family will always be family no matter how you put it.

Its kind of mind blowing trying to balance things especially if you are in a new environment. As much as you try to see the bigger picture of things or give reason to whatever thoughts you have inside your head you just go back in to this state of denial... you tend to resist.

I keep on telling myself that sooner or later I have to accept it that this is how things are going to be for now. I have never my seen my brother like this I mean truly he is more patient now and he just learned to suck it all in.

I remember we had this conversation in the car and he told me he was kind of amazed that I still have this sort of "rebellious" spirit in me. And I admit I think I developed that from school and other experiences, I learned to stand up on my own especially when my brother left the Philippines. I have always considered him as the "nicer" sibling and I admire him for that because he is very open to our parents even if what he says sometimes gets him in to trouble. We are the exact opposite he is very vocal I am very quiet. He is very sociable I am an introvert and the list just goes on and on...

My Kuya has big plans for me and my future but I cannot help but think sometimes if its going to be like that forever he has a family of his own now and as much as his wife is very giving and understanding I know that it will also have an endpoint maybe not now but later on in life.

I have this feeling always that I have to separate myself from him because every time I come near him I feel like I am a threat or something... its weird. So as soon as I can really stand up on my own I think that the best thing to do is to go and start a life of my own.

I live my life observing actions and behavior that is why I am so quiet or not as social as my brother. I could consume the whole day sitting in a coffee shop just looking around at people and their actions.

I fear that I might end up like some of the people I see here in the US that my own values and principles would be washed away and I change in to this completely different person. I am aware that this would just happen if I let it happen but sometimes it can really get the best out of you influences can be pretty tricky.

As much as I tell myself that I won't be like this or that... there will always be this uncertainty and you will always continue to evolve and change as a person because as they say change is inevitable and if you resist change then you get stuck and that is when I think things get pretty darn complicated.

Here are some situations I see here that I fear I end up doing:

I don't like to be in a situation wherein I am in debt because I feel that I am tied down to that person or situation.

I don't want to buy something I cannot really afford or I get something because I need to compete with someone that I always have to be better. If I want to be better I do it because I know I can accomplish it not because I need to prove myself to others.

I don't want to get something that I know I do not know how to use or something I do not need. Like what my dad told me "In America its not the money that you earn that makes you rich but the money you do not spend". If I earn a million dollars a year but I have a debt of 1.1M then its pointless.

I don't want to be one of those people who do not have a sense of gratitude from where they came from. If I come to a point wherein I know I have made it I hope that I won't be arrogant to ridicule where I came from to begin with it was the reason why you are what you are now. Its one thing to feel sad about a country's potential (e.g. Philippines) and it is another thing to ridicule it... let us face it Philippines will never be America there is just no point of comparison.

I can go on and on about things inside my head and I tell you there are more stuff that just makes this head of mine ache... but I think I will reserve that for my future entries... I think I rant too much but then again this is my blog so I can voice out what I feel here...

Adios Amigos!

It's A Girl!

2007-03-04T09:13:00.001-08:00

Okay I wasn’t actually in the OR to see her come out of her mom’s body but then again I saw an actual C Section before so I thought it would have been the same… but it was nice to be with my sis in law during her check-ups, health teaching sessions etc… it was nice to be there waiting for the results of the delivery and seeing the little angel for the first time… its such a wonderful feeling and surely she will change everyone’s life….and like what I always tell God every night that I pray for the health of my sis in law and the baby that I will do my best to influence this child and introduce her to the Christian values we have always known.

See more progress on: Witness Giving Birth To My First Niece/ Nephew

Family Time

2007-03-04T09:10:00.001-08:00

I have come to realize this me and my family barely had the time to really go out on a real vacation as a complete family in certain provinces in the Philippines we had our moments and they were very memorable. I just hope that in the future before they get really old I would be able to take them out of the country and just have a quality family time even for a week. That would be really awesome… still thinking about the place but I am pretty sure as long as we are all together it would totally be a blast.

See more progress on: go on a family vacation

Jasmine Malia

2007-03-01T21:32:00.000-08:00

I felt bad that I took time to write my very 1st Pink Notes and did not post on a Journal Entry.

Its been a crazy week by far... with the WWE in California Area that drove me nuts because I could not watch because I got other things to do and need to prioritize. Plus I helped out my brother and his wife for the last minute baby shopping for stuffs etc and the baby is due on March 2nd so its a HELLA CRAZY week...

But then again like what I said the kid even inside the stomach of her mom is such a joker and well guess what? SHE came out last Tuesday at around 645 PM yay! And yup that is indeed correct it is a SHE... and oh my gosh she is the cutest thing ever... I cannot believe it I am officially an AUNT!

It was so nice to look at her and well I am so scared to carry her because she is so small... even if I am a nurse I think the part that you are concerned its your blood relative kind of thing... that makes me even scared because you care so much for that person.

So even if I refuse to carry her I got to change her diaper... I just continue praying that the kid grows well and with no added complication or whatever... I just continue praying for a healthy baby.

This baby changes everyone's life I mean her parents even more so but in a way we all get affected... but this baby is such a blessing and I love her already.

She is lucky to have a koo-koo aunt like me... we will have tons of good times and I am looking forward to those moments...

So here is the cute little cherub JASMINE MALIA:

I hope this baby brings us more luck and happiness in our lives... I am sure you will my little angel. :)

Pink Note's Edition #001

2007-03-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

OK my brother kind of gave me this idea of writing my PINK NOTES as a separate entry rather than placing it as end notes to my usual entries and he has his own version of his thoughts on what is happening in the WWE and well he said that mine was like a POV of a fan oh well I can't help it I just enjoy WWE so much!

I cannot wait for Wrestlemania 23 its just that there are so many stories going on already but still you do not have a clue how it will end or who will win but you know that its going to be so good...

I got inspired to write this entry because me and my brother were having a late lunch in the hospital and we were eating a slice of pizza (i know how healthy can we get huh?) and he was mentioning to me that when he watched Royal Rumble 2007 PPV (which is his favorite PPV) he said he ate a Round Table Pizza and since we are watching Wrestlemania 23 PPV together for the first time ever which is monumental and well its Wrestlemania so we kind of have big plans for it.

So I told him that he pays for the PPV and I pay for the pizza not much of a fair trade but then again he is working and well I'm just a tourist hehehe... so now I think you have an idea how BIG of an event Wrestlemania really is...

Back to the Wrestling Stuff...

The Battle of the Billionaires is pretty up there... Lashley and Umaga head to head and with Trump and Vince's hair on the line... this is going to be one heck of a match... just seeing what happened to Umaga on ECW things are getting really really interesting....

Batista vs. Taker
I think this is the main event but then so far there hasn't been much activity ever since No Way Out right now their just exchanging words and that is pretty much it... but then again big questions are imposed on this match on whether or not Taker loses his streak or Batista loses the belt? Which one would it be?

Money In The Bank
So far there is Edge, CM Punk, Mr. Kennedy, Jeff Hardy and I forgot the other one darn... now there is Mercury vs. Matt Hardy and then a Triple Threat between Finlay, MVP and Benoit... personally I am rooting for MVP to get a slot the guy is good plus I love his entrance hehehe... and then Mercury might get in since one of the Hardyz is already in not unless they plan something else... but me and my brother thinks the one slot remaining will go to Orton... it just has something to do with the "issue" between Rated RKO after their match on Raw with HBK and Cena.

HBK vs. John Cena
Their story so far kinda dragging... its the "TRUST" issue that seems obvious that HBK can't be trusted except that Cena doesn't realize it just yet. But then again my man has full of surprises.... so we will see I still have hopes for the storyline of the two... their great wrestlers and I am sure its going to be one hell of a match... I have this wishful thinking that John Cena would turn heel... I really do not know why but I think it would be pretty interesting.

So that is it for now... and well I cannot wait for the DEAL or NO DEAL show on Sunday. I think I have a Third Eye of some sort... we were watching the show and then I imagined what if some WWE wrestlers came out and after a week they announce it on Raw... its crazy hella crazy.

Look at him... well not his best outfit but then again he has a thing for earth green shirts and that shoes recently... oh well I loved the guy for his character above everything else.

Now this is a much better shot... the show I think would be super funny with Rated RKO in it... wow its going to be a blast...

End of Pink Notes Edition # 001 just doing it for fun :)

40 Days & 40 Nights (My Lent Sacrifice)

2007-02-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was ASH WEDNESDAY and then prior to that me and my brother were talking on possible sacrifices we could do for the Lenten Season.

At this time of the year its all about sacrificing but then again as much as traditional holds I think fewer people get to really do these things. Even here at our humble abode it has been an issue and I think as long as religion or faith is the subject matter it is a sensitive topic and personally its very subjective you cannot expect everyone to do what you do and vice versa... it really is just more of respect and humbly accepting that not ALL people are like you.

So as for my sacrifice for this season here are few of the things I would be giving up:

Rice

Growing up in a Filipino family rice is a staple ingredient in every meal need I explain more? So basically this is the major source of carbohydrates for us but then again I shall find other alternatives to boost my energy.

Sweets

I have a sweet tooth its automatic after eating a meal I look for something sweet to remove the after taste of whatever I ate. My ultimate weakness DARK CHOCOLATE oh my gosh I like the taste of a little bit of bitterness and sweetness mixing together... (oh my gosh this is not helping I am just craving). As for ICE CREAM after tasting BEN & JERRY's PEANUT BUTTER CUP (which I got since Cena said it was his favorite so I tried it) which is still in the freezer unfinished and eating in my ultimate favorite ice cream place in the whole world COLD STONE I think that I have had enough of it for now since my stomach can only handle so much MILK... thus I am have LACTOSE INTOLERANCE (did I spell it right?) and as much as a MILK SHAKE (ooh... remembering the coffee shake in PENINSULA CREAMERY mmm...) taste so good I think I won't be having one for a long time also the COCOA TRIO in SEATTLE'S BEST its a must try for everyone (darn! its the best but this was the ultimate shocker in my stomach!) ... it just drives my stomach hella crazy.

Soda

I have given this up ever since my last stay here in the US so that was around June of 2005. And so I plan on continuing it for the rest of my life. I tried to take a sip of soda when I got back here in the US recently since when we went to restaurants I was telling my brother oh cool you have Strawberry Soda and other flavors (and well if you don't know yet I am a big BERRY fan as long as there is Berry in it I freak out a little because I love them so much) and I took a sip then my stomach had this burning sensation so I guess my stomach is not used to drinking carbonated beverages. More often than not I prefer drinking water but sometimes I have an urge to drink something with flavor like juice and iced tea thus leading to my next sacrifice JUICES.

Juice

I figured it wouldn't be much of a challenge if I just placed SODA since I really haven't drank a whole bottle or can of it for a long long time. So I added this one any flavored sweet drink I cannot drink so its just WATER and COFFEE. That is all the drink I could have. But recently I got a sore throat so I needed vitamins and they urged me to drink Natural Orange Juice which really helps a lot since its packed with Vitamin C it makes me guilty in a way since this is a flavored drink... but as soon as this sore throat of mine gets well I will stop or I will try not to drink if I could.

So these are my little sacrifices for the season. I just think that its good to sacrifice something that is an integral part of your life which for me is FOOD (hehehe). I mean if you can create a bigger effort rather than just not eating meat on a Friday then go for it! But then if personally for you that is big enough sacrifice that is also okay. I mean it is only you who can really determine the weight of these sacrifices and if it has personal meaning I think that is good enough already.

Also in the spirit of the Lenten Season here are my parting words I think that we need to make sacrifices before we can get whatever it is we want or requesting. Its going to be hard for HIM to grant our request if on our part we do not do something. So a little sacrifice goes a long way and I am sure the fruits of our labor will pay off eventually.

Have a good day everyone!

Cars On My Watch List

2007-02-21T14:27:00.001-08:00

Okay for the past few days I have been here in the US so far I checked out some new cars which I am eyeing on.

SUV’s or Midsize SUV’s are the cars for me I just like the idea of being able to see the road completely as opposed to the view usually on cars I find it too low so here are my choices when the time comes that I get myself a car:

Toyota FJ Cruiser
Nissan Murano
Honda CR-V 2007 Edition

Okay I am at a point wherein I really don’t need a van cause I think most of the time I would be driving alone I just liked this because my brother needs a van and well if I get this then I could just use their old car so here are my top choices for the vans:

Honda Oddyssey (I want this since my brother is in need of a family van since they are expecting a baby soon and their RAV4 is too small for the car seat)
Toyota Sienna (According to my brother and sis in law the ODYSSEY had a better rating so this is their second choice)

As you can see I like high cars mostly vans or SUV’s but then again if I have to choose a car then it would have to be a NISSAN ALTIMA my brother is so in love with this car and I think he wants me to get one so he gets to use it.

See more progress on: buy a car

Pink Notes and A Whole Lot More

2007-02-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

If it isn't obvious enough I am absolutely hooked in watching Wrestling. I have always been a fan ever since I was a kid thanks hugely to my brother who I willingly admits is a bigger fan than I am.

It was hard as a Filipino fan to catch up with the episodes in the US before thank god to big Filipino fan base and cable TV the episodes aired in the Philippines were later on same as to what was aired in the US until now. And then we also had the luxury of PPV's by going to cinemas and watch it uncut... (that part was pretty addicting since it was so cheap and seeing wrestling in action in a big screen... PRICELESS!)

So as you can see in my previous entries I put PINK NOTES and well basically what's there are my thoughts on the recent story lines in the WWE and other stuff that happened or will happen... so for those not interested in reading it... don't read it hehehe... its that simple.

Hmmm what else... people here are kind of busy fixing their taxes and sooner or later I will be doing the same thing... its pretty complicated but I will deal with it when its there...

I am kind of anxious in a few weeks judgment day for me will come and its driving me crazy... every night aside from the fact that its so quiet here and I can positively hear everything from the sound of my stomach, to my heart beating and me breathing... it just makes my anxiety worse...

Everything for me is just a BIG BIG BLUR right now and I am not so sure if that is a good thing... its hard when you actually bottle up everything inside... I feel that I will just explode any minute now... its freaking scaring the hell out of me.

PINK NOTES:
Yay! Cena won against Orton last night in RAW... and well thanks to HBK for saving his a** from the CONchairTO (for those who don't know Rated RKO is known for hitting their opponents with steel chair thus the name "CONCHAIRTO") of Rated RKO... HBK and Cena are doing pretty good in hyping up their match for Wrestlemania23... and well their little stint backstage... it was so much fun I was literally LMAO... in a way you want them to stay as tag teams... but then again who knows? The Cena and Orton match was really good I mean considering they are very good friends in real life... it wasn't too obvious that they were talking during the match.... which was good... oh well cannot wait for next week Rated RKO vs. HBK & Cena.

Long Weekend and other Stuff

2007-02-19T06:19:00.000-08:00

Its a long weekend for us here since its President's Day today so most people do not have work. But people here are kind of busy arranging and fixing their documents for their taxes. Its been a great long weekend for me since my brother celebrated his birthday. Kind of different from what we used to do it back in the Philippines but nonetheless it was a good celebration. (Mmmm... spaghetti & chicken are always a great combination yum yum!)

And finally I was able to eat at an authentic diner called PENINSULA CREAMERY in Stanford which was awesome cause the environment and the food they served was so good (wow... i still can't forget their milkshake) and just seeing people go in and out of the place it was great. I also got to meet my brother's friends in high school whom are staying here in the US already.

The area of Stanford might be my 2nd favorite place in the Northern California area aside from San Francisco. I just like its surroundings and how everything seems to be accessible. The community is good and the University Road is just loaded with cafe's and resto's more than you could imagine. And of course Stanford University is there plus the other hospitals which is absolutely beautiful and their malls and other shopping centers. I think that people in this community are in the upper middle or even higher classes the houses are exquisite and given the opportunity of course I would love to have a house of my own here. Its such a dreamy place.

In the streets of Stanford... somewhere in the University Road area.

Oh well another week has passed and I am learning a lot in staying here... not everything is purely pleasure here but if you work hard and save up you can get pretty much what you want. I think its a matter of prioritizing and discipline. I shall post more soon... oh and well I will be an aunt soon the V-day hospitalization was a false alarm but who knows if something yet again happens this week... we kid around here and tell that the baby is already a "MOKONG" which means a joker in the Philippines.

PINK NOTES:
Raw and SmackDown was super awesome last week. It was hella good having the 8 Man Tag Match and the HBK Cena vs. MVP & Kennedy then Batista Taker vs. Rated RKO in SmackDown. I have this funny feeling about HBK and Cena getting along too well... I mean Batista & Taker couldn't even last a match getting along which happened in No Way Out (for hype up for the Wrestlemania23 main event???)... but then again I am happy that HBK and Cena won that match. I shall know this week if this "friendliness" with each other will end not unless another storyline or stipulation comes up.... but as weird and awkward as it sounds they ended up in being a good pair.

Oh we saw this WWE commercial wherein people were like sharing their stories about WWE it was so funny and then they said something about being a part of the WWE Fan Nation... me and my brother are a part of this I think.

Its a bit frustrating that WWE is here in California but I can't watch them since first of all there isn't a show in our area. And then more importantly its not the reason why I was here I mean I have to study so its not my priority... just like what happened when RAW visited the Philippines last February I was preparing for my boards in the Philippines. And coincidentally I am still studying and then its February... its just not my month hehe... but then again I have more things to look forward to.... and meeting these guys it will come in time.... and when that happens I am pretty sure it would be such a great moment.

I Am Going To Be An Aunt... Soon!

2007-02-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

Wow today is V-Day and it seemed like any other ordinary day here... of course it will be an ordinary day for me since I do not have someone to spend it with in particular... not that I am complaining but I just see it really as something that will happen when the right time comes... like what I always say its something that you do not go looking for it JUST HAPPENS ;)
Okay enough of the mushy valentine stuff because its not the reason why I am writing an entry today... in fact I have another reason to be happy about since I am going to be an Aunt soon and its so cool :)

(Can't you see I am super excited hehe) I actually accompanied my sis in law today and well there is a possibility that it might be born today so the baby is like surprising us with all of this because we are not expecting him/her (Because they want to keep the baby's gender unknown til the baby is delivered) until around 1st week of March... but then again anytime from now to the expected day is good because the baby would be viable to live on its own so I just continue to pray for my sis in laws health and as well as the baby.

So whatever happens today from this moment on I shall keep you posted and I just hope for the best.... and well maybe this is it the purpose I have been looking for why I went here early.

I find this day a very beautiful and memorable one in a way I think me and my sis in law had a moment while we were driving back home she cried and I think she was kind of overwhelmed with everything (good thing we bought most of the baby stuff already yesterday at BABIES R US) and I was just glad that I was there for her I mean it was the least I could do for her... She is such a wonderful person and I hope I can have more moments with her... and well I will always be here for her no matter what.

I will end it here for now and well I will keep you posted with whatever... so I am signing out!

::Pink Notes::

OMG I just found out that JOHN CENA will have a tag team match in SmackDown he will be teaming up with HBK (my other favorite wrestler) and they will have a fight with Mr. Kennedy and MVP I think? Hmmm finally Cena is making up for his few appearance last week... ahhh I just wish I could meet the guy in person its so frustrating that as of now no schedule would allow it to happen... oh well it will happen when I least expect it... anyways at least I get to watch wrestling so for now I have to be satisfied with that ;)

Oh yeah I saw one video in YouTube wherein Umaga was kind of making fun of Johnny of Spirit Squad it was an old video in some hotel and I think the other Spirit Squad Guys was there as well as Carlito and of course John Cena it was nice to see the WWE guys having fun it was so awesome!

Get My Head Back In The Game

2007-02-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

Its been a week since I have been here in the US and well it took a lot for everything to finally sink in. I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on with my life because everything was happening so fast I was obviously taken aback by it cause I was expecting all of this supposedly by March of this year not February.

After being in a state of jet lag for the past few days, the sudden change of climate and environment I think I am getting the hang of most stuff here. I remember my dad telling me to give myself a week to get settled in and I was trying to push myself to adjust to everything so fast that I just broke down...

For the first several days I kept crying at night while praying since I was literally shocked with how things go about here (which you could also witness in my previous post)... I am the type of person that literally keeps everything inside (you see I am not so good with opening up). And then one morning I just told my brother about it and cried. I was so uptight and stiff with everyone since I kept on thinking I had to act a certain manner but after having that "morning moment" with my brother and giving me a very practical advice of being myself it just made me feel a lot better and ever since then I was comfortable with going about things here in the house and everything that is happening.

As for the other stuff that went on here are the "HIGHLIGHTS" of my week:

MONDAY (2/5/07)
Watched my very first MONDAY NIGHT RAW here in the US on TV. It was so awesome knowing that you are watching it LIVE and finally I could really relate and the best part of it all aside from seeing John Cena is watching it with my brother... its the best moment ever! Though I have to say I was kind of pissed off that for my very first RAW John Cena did not appear that much which was a bummer since I bought his favorite ice cream only to find out he would just appear on the first few minutes of the freaking show.

TUESDAY (2/6/07)
Got the chance to get out of the house and do stuffs and errands with my sister in law which is always great. Oh I also got myself an eye cream because they say that when you start on your 20's its always a good investment to start using eye cream (thanks to Kyan Douglas' book called Beautified). Oh yeah TOGO's has a great ASIAN CHICKEN SALAD.

WEDNESDAY (2/7/07)
Ooh I got the chance to bond with my sister in law again which is always good. I was so excited cause I got to go out of the house and accompany her to one of her pre-natal check up and her non stress test (NST). It was so cool seeing how the NST is done and well so far the hospitals I have been to are super nice. Got to eat at PANERA which has one of the best sandwiches... i love it!

THURSDAY (2/8/07)- Can't remember????

FRIDAY (2/9/07)
Got up early and went to work with my brother and sis in law. I liked the place where my brother works since its such a cool building. So I stayed there the whole day in the cafeteria studying which by the way is very conducive for learning. After their work we went to BUCCA DI BEPPO which was one of my favorite restaurants the last time I was here and well we just had a great time at dinner and well talking and chatting with our waiter. He was nice (and cute too) my Ate has this great skill of getting to know people (which by the way I should also learn) and if I have to realize something I should try and learn to overcome my shyness. People here are very outgoing and friendly and I am still getting used to that part... but hopefully I will get the hang of things.

SATURDAY (2/10/07)
Went around again and bought new rubber shoes at Nike. It was awesome since I have been wanting a NIKE FREE shoes and now I have one. Its weird how in the Philippines how the prices never go down no matter how old a shoe style is so I really got a good bargain this time so no questions asked I got the shoes plus its great for running since me and my brother plan to jog around the area when he gets home from work.

SUNDAY (2/11/07)
Okay when I woke up and then talked to my brother while watching SMACK DOWN on TiVo we saw this commercial that WWE has a Fan Axxess Tour in Hayward which I think was near to our place so we were like come on lets go out of impulse but then we had some errands to do so eventually that plan got cancelled. But it was still a good day because we got to bond at Cheesecake Factory in Palo Alto and just talk we were kind of depressed for some strange reason but eventually prior to leaving the place we got better. Eating dessert can be pretty therapeutic we were just high on sugar after eating a ROCKY MUD PIE and CHERRY CHEESECAKE which was so good and finally my craving for cheesecake is finally done since I have been in search for a good cheesecake ever since I was still in the Philippines since some add gelatin thus the cheesy taste kind of goes away. Plus our server yet again was cute so I was generous enough to give him a decent tip... it was a big deal for me since I treated my brother since this might be one of the last bonding time we might have... so this one was truly memorable.

Before I end this entry we kid around here looking for the HOTTIE OF THE DAY so when we go out we kind of look around searching for cute guys for fun and to pass time. So far we are doing a great job and lets see what happens in future entries hehehe (this is really pointless)

And then... valentines is nearing and yet again I am ALL ALONE. I shall post another entry on this and I swear if I do not get someone by Wednesday I shall sulk in my room and watch THE MARINE which is out on DVD and the UNRATED Version (awesome!)

So now my 1st week is done I have to get my head back in the game and study as hard as I can. No turning back and cannot commit any mistakes so I shall do the best that I can and just aim high!

Well this is getting long so I shall sign out!

Major Life Changes

2007-02-07T07:54:00.000-08:00

Wow its been 5 days already and still having a hard time adjusting to the new time zone hopefully by the end of the week I would be fully adjusted and my body clock would be back to normal.

There are so many things that I need to get use to and definitely life here is different from what I had in the Philippines.

People here can definitely just stay home and do nothing. I mean they really just go out if they have some errands or things to do. I am not used to that but I am getting the hang of it (thank god for internet, tv and studies) its just that back there in Manila if I wanted to go out I could just walk out of the door easily or go with my parents. The places here are kind of far from each other so you cannot just walk around to go to the nearest malls, stores or shop.

People here are super friendly. You smile they smile back. They greet you and well of course you greet back. In stores and shops they are happy to assist you with whatever you need. Still need some practice on this aspect I am pretty shy so I need to be more outgoing and well gain confidence. But I like it that people are courteous.

You tell what you want or else you won't get what you need. Being sensitive here won't work so you have to be a little straightforward but not disrespectful. If you don't want something just say NO rather than saying I am not sure or I don't know.

I really miss my parents back home its just that their very warm and I am so used to receiving hugs and kisses all the time from them. Unlike here I barely get it and more often than not I have no one to talk to. So this blog becomes my form of release to whatever is on my mind.

Its hard adjusting to something like this but I have to take it all in since this is the life that I want for myself and for my family. I have to do these little sacrifices and then hopefully... eventually I can reap the fruits of my labor.

If there is one thing I realized in my few days of stay here if you work hard enough you can get what you want. This goes for material and other aspects of life. America offers every opportunity needed its such a nice place its a matter of persevering and doing your best and after that everything else just follows...

California... Here I Am!

2007-02-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

I have left Manila and now I am here in California (soooo cold!) and well it was sad leaving Manila cause I will miss a lot of stuff there especially very important people in a while for quite some time. So upon leaving I was kind of ambivalent since I was leaving something behind but then something good was also waiting for me...

Me & LilRosey one of our latest pics together prior to me leaving... I miss her so much :(

I am happy that I arrived here safely in California... after 10 hours in flight from Taipei (good thing I was in semi- business class... THANKS EVA AIR for the PROMO!) and 5 grueling hours in my transit in Taipei finally I have arrived here in California whew!

Bummed out in Taipei... Kinda weird trying to take a picture of myself

Taipei actually has a very cool airport I mean its really nice compared to the Manila International Airport... and they have Starbucks which I was so thankful for cause when I hanged out there it really killed time plus I tried their new drink called Double Chocolate Machiatto which was AWESOME by the way. Kind of expensive though considering I payed USD4 for it... but it was worth the experience :)

Welcome to Starbucks in Taipei Airport

Hmm so I arrived in San Francisco Airport which was an another first for me and by the way their airport was super nice and then the moment of truth happened... I saw my brother IN THE FLESH... I just started running to him and hugged him as tight as I could and then now I know what happens... cause when I was on the plane I kept on thinking on how I would actually react when I see him will I cry, laugh, be in shock so now I know...

THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS in my LIFE... after 1 year and 8 months finally I am here again in the US it feels great... but now I serve a bigger purpose on why I am actually here so its not much of a fun and games thing for me... its more of a make or break situation... i hope and I will do anything and everything to make it... the weekend is over so now its time for me to get serious and do my thing.... I just cannot mess it up... there is so much in stored for me after this last hurdle...

Okay for tomorrow I will be online most of the time (I think?) Since I would be studying and do this online review... I am targeting at least 8- 12 Hours a day...

Aside from studying I am also excited that I will be able to watch my first ever MONDAY NIGHT RAW Live! (Oh yeah!) after a month of not being able to watch in the Philippines its so cool that I will get to watch it with my brother and what is even cooler is that I am in the US... super cool!

I cannot believe it I am staying in the same country as JOHN CENA is... so as to celebrate my FIRST MONDAY NIGHT RAW Live! here in the US my brother bought me ice cream.

This ice cream which is a BEN & JERRY's PEANUT BUTTER CUP is actually one of John Cena's favorite food according to one of the episodes of his now gone 5 Questions (okay sounding a bit obsessive here) I have tried B&J's Ice Cream when I was in the US before but not this flavor I was kinda curious about it... so I just have to taste it... and then back to COLD STONE (kidding!) so I am kind of excited to see John on TV again while eating his favorite ice cream then again AWESOME!

Mmmm... John Cena's fave ice cream... never even tasted peanut butter ice cream before

Wow I am looking forward to more experiences and stories here in the US... i hope I would have an even more unforgettable stories to share in this blog... and well I am just happy :)

Signing Out!

Leaving for the US

2007-01-30T17:28:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it I have been waiting for this moment for the longest time... I am finally going to the US for my long awaited vacation. A lot is in stored for me when I get there and I am excited and at the same time nervous cause not everything will be fun... but I am so up for the challenge. Above everything else I get to see my brother after 1 year and 8 months what more can I ask for right?

I just hope everything turns out the way we planned things to go... oh my gosh finally my dreams are materializing little by little.

John Cena is INJURED and other WWE Stuff

2007-01-23T17:17:00.000-08:00

Wow... this week has been kind of mellow had more time to study and check my emails and of course update my blog...

When I browse the net there is this sort of routine I follow. Of course I open my email and check for important messages and then log in to my YM. After that I kind of follow a sequence of sites that I always and I mean ALWAYS check out. You can actually check out the sites that I visit here in my blog.

I checked out the WWE site since the shows here are shown at a later day but still at the same week as in the US and if for the week I kind of predict that I won't be able to watch it I try to see the results on their site. And for this week at RAW I am so sad that John Cena had an injury and what a perfect timing I mean RoyalRumble is like days away and he will be having a Last Standing Match...

So I heard he had a ruptured spleen... and then John refuses to seek medical attention... now this is what i call CRAZY... i mean its one thing to love your profession but then if it puts you in such great danger then it would be pointless... in a way and in a big way I HOPE and really really HOPE that this is just part of the act or storyline... as a nurse even if he did refuse to seek medical attention I would have insisted still...

Oh well... crazy John... he was always the type of person who never did back down in any challenge... thats why people like me likes him so much...

And then he is in the February Issue of the WWE Magazine... what can I say total hottie on that magazine cover:

Plus... hmmm very interesting answers to some questions... such as:

So you’re feeling the pressure? (REGARDING WORK AND BEING THE CHAMP)
Not at all. I feel no pressure because I feel no obligation. When you love what you do, there’s no obligation. If I wasn’t in the ring, I’d be working some bullshit nine-to-five job. I was mowing lawns and selling protein bars before this, and I would just fight in my extracurricular time with my brothers. Now I’m getting paid for it, so it’s a lot easier. My job is a vacation. It’s my release.

Is it better to be feared or respected?
It’s better to be respected. Being feared will get you out of a lot more fights, but if you’re just feared and not respected, the first time somebody tries you out, you’re no longer feared.

If you want to see the whole transcript you can find it here: cenadaily.com

This guy just seems to amaze me even more... I have to admit my first impression of the guy wasn't so good I thought he couldn't wrestle and he was kinda cheesy at first but then he improved later on and his personality its what makes him so good when he wrestles And upon reading some of his interviews and feedback from people he is nicer than I thought... and well when I watch his 5Q's his humor its hilarious and at times he can really put some sense in to you... plus he knows a lot of stuff... so now I admire the guy for who he is inside and outside the ring.

Oh wow I still cannot get over the fact if he is injured or not... it shocked me I was just suppose to check my standing in the WWE Fantasy Match and then this bombarded me... and well my bro is kind of mad at me for having a better performance than he is haha... oh well not bad for a first try but I am eyeing on the price... so I shall work harder for next weeks roster...

Get well soon JOHN and I hope I can watch RoyalRumble... hopefully my schedule for the day would be free... this is like the best PayPerView event and I just couldn't afford to miss it.

Some Updates...

2007-01-21T02:22:00.000-08:00

Oh well I haven't been updating as much as I want to been busy... actually this month is just jampacked with the balikbayans and all... we just have this really crazy schedule... but its fun so it really just works for me...

First of all CONGRATULATIONS to the December 2006 NLE Passers... you can officially call yourself a RN and we are all colleagues now... so always remember our purpose here in this world as we try to make a difference in the lives of each of our patient... each day will always be a challenge for us... but whats important is that we never give up amidst all things and situations faced to us.

And also a big HUG to my bro for getting a job... patience and determination can really go a long way... i mean its still temporary just continue doing a great performance and I am pretty sure everything will turn out well... cannot wait to see you in March... i cannot believe it I will be seeing you in the flesh again...soon!!!

Wants, Needs and Want Needs

2007-01-10T16:44:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my brother MonkeyMushroom I got an idea of writing my own set of list of wants, want needs and needs. ZThough I have to admit his is quite intellectual since he is a programmer mine is more of cute stuffs but still techie...

Here is the definition of my classification thanks to my anal brother...

*WANTS - Stuff that i really really want
*WANT NEEDS - want it; need it in the future...it can wait
*NEEDS - need it

WANTS:

Apple IPhone- omg this is like the next phone on my list... as of now I will just be satisfied with my N90 and promised myself not to get a new phone unless its this freaking iPhone... and for a person like me who changes phone almost every 3 months i shall stop and just eye on this phone... so me and my N90 would be bonding for a long time...

WANT NEEDS

Sony Cybershot T10- my digi cam is kind of old but it still takes great photos I want something that is light, small and still takes great pics... this is one of my options for a camera but then i can also go for the Cano Digital Ixus also in pink... its weird i have fetish for stuff that is colored pink... drives me crazy sometimes... if not pink i like black gadgets... its always between the 2.

Nintendo DS Lite- Honestly i really really like this cause most of its games are kind of my kind of thinking you know the cute games and stuff... this is what my brother told me as well... so i hope I can get this one soon...

NEEDS

Laptop- okay no idea what specifications I need so I shall consult this with my brother first since he is the computer expert... i have been so used to having a desktop PC so I think this time i need a change... and its more convenient specially for someone starting a career... i can bring it anywhere I go... a pink laptop may be a little overboard... but its cute... i think i can settle for a black laptop... pink is just too striking...

This list is taking so much of my time I shall post more soon...

Updates In My Life

2007-01-08T17:49:00.001-08:00

Wow I have been really busy recently so I haven't posted anything for the past days... its been fun because recently we have Balikbayans and we get to entertain them and show them around plus I also get to go to new places and taste new delicacies which was fun.

Oh I got my new iPod Shuffle yesterday cannot wait to place some songs in there. I like it cause its small and very handy plus now with its clip factor... i can literally place it anywhere...

Oh my gosh its so hard not to have your computer... I am at our other home so I do not have access to my PC all the time... right now I am at an internet cafe...

My face is literally breaking out... and that sucks I hope my pimples go away really soon... its frustrating and it can really lower you self esteem hehehe...

I have to go for now post more when I have time... i miss writing in my blog...

Signing out!

Anxiety Attack

2007-01-03T05:53:00.001-08:00

I don't know why but all of a sudden I kind of feel overwhelmed. There is just so many things that I am doing and it can be pretty crazy at times.

In a way I feel like I am in reviewing mode again. I try to rewrite my notes so that they stick to my head more and well I also do it because I am slightly obsessive compulsive but in fairness to myself my handwriting during my review is not readable so I have to decipher it so that when I browse it then it would be easier for me to put it in my head.

I have these moments in my head wherein I just suddenly fast forward and have all these "what if's" and then the next thing I know I have an anxiety attack... that just happened and this is the reason why I am writing in my blog.

I absolutely cannot afford to fail this exam because if I do then that would just completely drive me crazy. I am not good in terms of accepting failure... when I try to do something I atleast make sure that my chances of succeeding is bigger as compared to actually failing.

Its hard when you are preparing for these kinds of exams because you have the slightest idea of what is going to come out and then the subject matter is so big so that drives me crazy. In a way it seems like I have the slightest idea on where to start.

I keep on convincing and trying to discipline myself that I can do this. But I am kind of optimistic and thats how I have always been most of my High School and College life.

I need to step up my game in terms of preparing for this exam. Its a matter of life and death for me. I need to psych myself up. I keep on thinking of reasons why I should pass this test and there are so many already...

I get to have a career, see my brother again, live the life that I have always wanted and well the other things are kind of shallow so I won't put it in here... those things are for another post.

Oh well for today I have finished reviewing my Psychiatric Nursing notes... and I think this is why I had an anxiety attack as well... i absorbed everything too much... this is just driving me nuts... all those medications and psych diseases... CRAZY!!!!

5 Questions with John Cena Is Officially Over

2007-01-02T21:04:00.000-08:00

I am so sad that his web show is done. I think it has been running for quite some time already but honestly I just started watching it a few months ago. His sarcasm and his humor can be quite entertaining.

He came up with this idea of running a freaking poll on whether or not he should end the show. Unfortunately, knowing John he has his way with things. When he reads emails if the person did not mention anything about keeping the show or not he assumes it as a NO vote... which of course is unfair and then sometimes even if I think it is a YES vote he counts it as a NO vote so it was frustrating for me... and based on ending the show or not with just 15 votes??? come on... you have more fans than that... oh well that's the end of the show I cannot do anything about that. I am sure the man has his reasons for ending it.

On a good note he promised something about another avenue... hopefully they can figure something out so that the fans can still get in touch with John.

What a way to start the morning... I was just suppose to check my email and then I was banning myself from going to WWE.com since I did not want any spoilers from this week's RAW especially with the K-Fed match since RAW is shown here every Saturday. But with my sadness of 5 Q's being over I have yet to go to my daily source of Cena News which is Cenadaily.com and saw the results... what the heck I might not be able to watch Raw this Saturday since we have visitors coming and I have stuff to do... prioritization is still an important part of my life no matter how much I love watching WWE.

Oh I forgot another sad thing I noticed is that the WWE Shop here in Manila is closed already. Apparently I talked to one of the sales persons and he said that their contract for the licensing of the tee's and other stuff is for one year only. I hope they could have just permanently placed a shop here cause they were literally selling like hotcakes. I guess 2006 was a good year for WWE fans here in Manila since both RAW and SMACKDOWN did a tour here and then we had a WWE Shop of our own. The Gateway Shop is closed for good but I am not so sure with the Glorietta Shop when I saw the shop it was closed since it was the New Year but there were still some Merch inside... so I might go and check it out one time to see if they are still open.

And yeah still cannot get over this Cena has a thing for Britney? Or was he just joking? that was one of the things he said on the last 5Q's something about proving himself to Britney and to start that he would beat the hell out of K-Fed... oh well I think he kind of redeemed himself at RAW despite the turn of events... I have always noticed that I think he might have this thing for blond girls... not that its bad... cause they are really pretty... so he has good taste.

I also encountered some fan experiences over the net and he seems to be a nice guy well I hope if I do get the chance to meet him I would have the same pleasant experience as the other fans did. Oh well here I go again...

Got to hit the books and prepare myself for one of the biggest exam of my life... cause if I do not pass this test then my other dreams and plans in life won't be happening at all... so I shall study for now and post later!

Signing Out!

Day Out With LilRosey

2007-01-02T04:43:00.000-08:00

I had my haircut today together with LilRosey. I admit the haircut was kind of expensive than my average haircut but it was all worth it I think... I mean I got pampered really well and the stylist did a good job in cutting my hair... hopefully he solves the layer problems of my hair... and if he does I will go back to him and have my hair cut prior to leaving for my US Vacation cause haircut in the US can be pretty expensive especially if you are not a dollar earner...

Me and LilRosey at our Family Christmas Dinner
(okay we admit our faces are kind of shiny... hehehe)

We got to bond while having a Vietnamese Lunch/ Dinner. Its really amazing how we have matured like what I said we basically grew up together. I am so fortunate to be able to you know have someone almost the same age as mine and talk about life and stuff... most people I think find us a bit mature for our age but I kind of like it that way. I guess that is just how we were brought up by our parents.

Its always refreshing to be able to say whatever it is on your mind like your worries, fears and experiences. Its nice to have a sensible talk with someone. But you know once in a while we can go crazy and just laugh about the shallow things... its just great to have her in my life... we are more than cousins she is like one of the sisters I never had.

What's In Store for 2007?

2007-01-01T05:25:00.000-08:00

Okay there are a lot of things in which I would want to achieve this 2007 and well I need not enumerate it cause it is listed in my 43things.

Personally I would have to some of my old habits and I am pretty serious on these goals... I think that 2007 would be really a life changing year for me...

2006 was pretty hard on me but obviously memorable since there were big events like my graduation, passing the board exams and stuff... but I don't know there is something about this year that gets me all giddy and excited.

JANUARY

New Year's Revolution and Royal Rumble

Okay 2 WWE Pay Per View's that are coming out for the month. Still thinking if I would be watching New Year's Revolution but it does look promising cause its a Raw PPV. Of course there is no doubt I would watch Royal Rumble... I cannot wait I just hope the schedules that they have here would match up with me and LilRosey's schedule.

Many balikbayan relatives

Its always fun to show balikbayans around Manila especially if there is a new place. I am quite excited to show them the new places like Mall of Asia, Baywalk and do some fun stuff like going to bars and watching live bands.

FEBRUARY

My Brother's Birthday

Unfortunately I won't be there when he celebrates his 24th birthday. But I hope he would have a blast on his special day... all the best to my bro in advance.

MARCH

Go to the US for a Vacation

Oh my gosh... I am so looking forward to this very day by the time I do this it would be approximately around 2 years since I have last been there. And I am so happy that I could actually stay a little longer than the last time. Hopefully I could visit more places, meet new people and basically do more stuff than what I did last time. I hope something unforgettable happens during my vacation...

My Newly Born Niece/ Nephew

In between my vacation I am looking forward to seeing my niece/ nephew. I still do not know if it would be a boy or girl but it really doesn't matter. I just pray that it would be a healthy baby. I love seeing kids they just have this aura of innocence and like nothing else matters their just so adorable.

Though I have to admit I find it scary sometimes to hold newborns and infants they just seem so delicate... in a way I kind of overcomed this fear when I was assigned in the Neonatal ICU in one of the hospitals here in the Philippines... I just hope I do well if ever I do baby sit my niece/ nephew.

Lil Rosey's Birthday

It's my cousin's birthday and well she would also be in the US by that time doing her OJT... very busy girl but well I am pretty sure she would be having such a blast... imagine being in a new place... meeting tons of people... so I hope she has a blast on her birthday. And well there will be a life changing event that will occur for me on this day... but this might still change we will see... I shall post more about that here some other time...

APRIL

Birthday Week

I think its kind of lame that I am including him in my list cause I don't even know the guy personally... but nonetheless on April's Birthday Week it would be John Cena's Birthday and then my Mom's Birthday and then my Sister in Law's Birthday so it would be a party filled week. I have yet to figure out what to give my mom and my ate.

I actually have this theory that most people I know who has their birthday in April specifically around 23- 26 are nice people. I haven't met John Cena but according to them he is a nice person... this I have yet to experience but I think he is a nice regular guy... but of course I might freak out if I actually see him in person... but I am not counting on it the possibility of this happening is like zero to none...

MAY

Still waiting for something-- no event yet

JUNE

My 21st Birthday

OMG, I cannot believe it I am actually turning 21 finally legal to party and drink not that I need to. Actually here in the Philippines their not too strict with this rule at my age now I was able to go inside a club and tasted alcohol. But I have to admit I am not too keen on partying and the bar stuff... more of the home buddy type of person I think... I don't know its just that there are some people who really make a big deal of this... but then again that is their preference.

Its just that for me I mean you enjoy a drink not to get drunk and eventually throw up... its there for leisure and fun. So in the end know your limits and drink responsibly ;)

Having an Adventure Trip with Lil Rosey ;)

Hmmm... this is still in the works nothing final as of now. Me and Lil Rosey practically are like sisters we have been quite inseperable ever since childhood so if this adventure pushes through it would be our very first adventure out of the country so I am kind of looking forward to that... if ever we go out here we hang out in malls... try new food... drink coffee and just talk for hours... its funny how much we have grown from playing Barbie Dolls now to talking about our future, careers and perspective in life. Its amazing how we can just go on the whole day sharing opinions on things and life.... I hope and pray this pushes through... and we will take SanFo by storm hahahah....

This basically consists of the things I look forward to the next 6 months... things and plans might change... oh well who knows right?

I just like to keep myself psyched up for this year... I mean plans are there to guide you but not necessarily dictate you :)

My New Year's Resolution

2006-12-29T20:40:00.000-08:00

Okay I have had this blog for such a long time but I do not post on it as often as I should. So this would be like one of my New Year's Resolution. To update this blog as much as I could and to make it as interesting as possible.

Hopefully by tomorrow I could already finish my post as I look back on the year and also give you a glimpse on how I look forward towards the year 2007.

I don't know but 2007 might be an interesting year for me and I am kind of looking forward to it but still I have my reservations about it.

I actually classify my goals in to 2 my shallow goals and the important goals... so if you do check out my 43Things the one's that are on the upper half are more or less the important and life changing goals I have for myself. The one's in the lower portion are not necessarily shallow but you know things that I would be able to get and do of course if I accomplish the important things in life...

Oh well I am continuously praying for a good year for me, my family and my loved ones and sometimes I also pray and ask for you know fun things like meeting John Cena and watching WWE Live and other stuff... but I tell him its not a priority... its just one of those wishful thinking I have... you see this is what happens when you have idle time in your hands... you just get to think of crazy stuffs...

Anyways, I will do my best to post more stuff here... its actually a good way to vent out feelings and thoughts and a way to get noticed hehehe... just kidding... its more of a venting out thing for me... well HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE and God Bless! :)

A Look Behind and A Leap Forward

2006-12-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

Another year has passed and time really moves so quickly. I could just remember how eager I was to finish school for so many different reasons one of which was for me to be able to go to the US and be with my brother again.

I can still remember how I exactly felt during Christmas 2005 it was probably the first Christmas wherein it didn’t feel like the holiday season. All I could remember during that night was that I was crying silently in my bed until I fell asleep. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt that Christmas was just yet another day. And starting the New Year at this tone was not really the way to go.

Despite all these sadness I carried with me there were still good things that was in stored for me for the year 2006 but it did not come easy. At some point, in school I was continuously challenged by my teacher personally I felt that I was just never going to make it to my graduation. The constant pressure and the load that I was carrying it seemed like I was just getting by the end of the 2^nd semester.

I then started making a list of things I needed to accomplish to get myself back on track. I figured maybe this was what I needed, small steps and guidance to realize my dreams slowly but surely. I was so used of getting ahead of myself that more often than not I disappoint myself.

Little by little I was able to accomplish my goals I passed the 2^nd semester and graduated with a Degree in Bachelor of Science in Nursing. It was like a breath of fresh air being able to finish school. Unexpectedly, I was able to earn myself a Leadership Award as well as a Silver Medal for my Community Service work. It felt good that I was leaving school with a great sense of accomplishment. And it made me realize even more how much I enjoy helping people and how much I want to be in this profession.

One moment that I could never ever forget was the time that we were in line during my graduation ceremony. My dad told me how much my mom wanted to be a nurse but she couldn’t due to family situations and I have accomplished that for her. Tears just started to fall down my eyes and I never realized how much this meant to my parents. By this time I feel I have accomplished a lot for myself but there were more things to come…

After graduation, it was so surreal that just when I thought I was out of school I had about 3 months to prepare myself for the Philippine Nursing Licensure Exams (PNLE). Intense review sessions, studying in Starbucks with big coffee cups and going from one review center to another from 8am to 9pm still did not seem to be enough to prepare myself for this turning point in my life.

June 11 and 12, 2006 was one of the longest days of my life. It was indeed a very hard exam… it was so hard that you could obviously see it in our faces it was funny that after the examinations when I was picked up by my mom and dad it seemed like all the student nurses who took it had the same expressions in their faces. At this point I think my parents have already conditioned themselves of me having the possibility of failing. I was just so depressed after the exams that even Max’s Fried Chicken couldn’t cheer me up.

A few weeks after our exam rumors and controversies started to circulate about a leakage that occurred with our board exam. At that time I did not know if I was going to be happy or not. I was happy because if I failed I could blame it on the leakage but at the same time I also felt sad because I did not want to go through what I went through for the second time around. I conditioned myself when I took the exam that I had no room for errors and mistakes and that I only had one chance so I just had to do my best.

Middle of July the results were released unexpectedly at midnight. I was chatting with my brother when the results were released. While I was chatting with him I was trying to find nursing related news to be posted at my new job as a moderator of an online Filipino Nursing Community called PinoyBSN. As I was going through the different websites I came across this article so I was browsing through it and then suddenly I saw a list of names and at that moment I just froze for a few seconds. I took a deep breath and told myself that eventually I had to face it. I was actually avoiding this moment in my life I thought it would be easier if my parents were to check out my name in the newspaper while I was sleeping and then they would just wake me up and tell me if I passed or failed. And so I faced my fear and looked for my name and it was there I was in denial at this point so I asked my brother to check the article out and asked him to confirm it for me cause I really thought I was delusional because sometimes you have these moments wherein you wanted it to be there so badly so in your head you know that it is actually there even when its not and then he replied and said “Yes you passed”. So at this point I wasn’t delusional I was crazy so many thoughts were in my head already I turned to my mom while she was washing the plates and told these exact words “Mom RN na ako” oh my gosh the sparkle in her eyes it was unbelievable and after that I just cried and I never saw my mom that happy she was so ecstatic and take note it was in the middle of the night. My dad as usual was very calm and composed but I know deep inside his heart he was very happy for me. I mean that same day he SMS most of his friends, he asked to cook food for people as if it was my birthday, we ate outside with relatives I mean he was really happy for me and he did it in such a subtle way but I could feel it he was happy.

I never appreciated my name so much till that moment that I saw it on the newspaper I was just so used to writing it on a test paper and application forms and seeing it on certificates and other documents. Before it was just a name but now I really take pride in carrying that name it has been to places far more than I could just imagine and I know it will have more places to go to.

Last September, I took yet another exam the IELTS. I hurdled through this exam literally as I took it when Milenyo hit Manila. I took the advice of my dad of looking presentable so I wore business attire for the test. I never imagined myself wearing high heeled shoes during a typhoon it was such a disaster and I think this is one of the reasons why I like rubber shoes so much so I can avoid such circumstances. After 2 weeks, I felt my stomach churning as I went to get my results and thankfully I got the required standards for Nurses.

Just recently I found out that I got my eligibility to take the NCLEX-RN exam. This really is the moment of truth for me, the last exam that I have to battle and pass. It does scare me most of the time just thinking about it because it can make or break me.

I remember talking to God when I was taking my PNLE how important it was for me to make it since it was the turning point of my life. How it mattered for me to pass the exam since as much as I have a BSN degree but if I haven’t passed the PNLE then it would not make much of a difference. Now I talk to him everyday and tell him how the NCLEX-RN could be the ultimate turning point of my life as it not only determines my future but my entire life. I tell him that if I am able to get through this last exam this is the only time I could start on my own and continue pursuing other things I planned for myself, my family and the things I promised him that I would try and do.

I end this year with more of a happy note as compared to what I had the previous year. In a way it seems like I was refueled.

My mom and dad in a few years time can now start a life on their own not worrying much about us. I remember my dad targeting the age of 50 as the age of retirement wherein he and my mom can live a life of their own. Unfortunately they are now 51 and they still have a lot to do with me. I challenge myself that hopefully by the age of 53 I can give that to my mom and dad so they can start building their lives not for us but for themselves.

As for my brother, it is pretty tough not having him around especially with what I have been through this year. I was so used to having him around in all of highlights of my life. I wish he could have been at my side to share with my unforgettable moments this year after all aside from my parents he was the best inspiration I could have to work harder in achieving my goals in life.

But now that I have this last hurdle to go through I will really make sure to do my best and eventually he would be there with me to celebrate my triumph and witness everything first hand.

Crazy Life

2006-11-05T04:23:00.000-08:00

My life basically sucks. It sucks to the highest level and I just hate it.

For the past 4 years I was so used to a life full of errands, activities and pressure cause of school and now its just too calm and normal that sometimes it sucks. I just think that the more idle time you have the more bad you get. This is due to the fact that you have more time to think of crazy and do stupid things.

I am the type of person who has everything mapped out. I kind of started doing this and religiously followed it last year. So almost everything on the list was accomplished on time and then now its like the list suddenly stops and everything just slowed down for me. And I just feel so useless and demotivated.

I haven't seen my brother for 1 year and 4 months and hell that is long considering the relationship that we have cause were super close. Before, he was my number one motivation on why I wanted to go to the US and be there. I just think that its harder to accomplish a goal or a dream if you do it for others more than for yourself. And besides he has a family to take care of and I think that I have to accept that I am not his ultimate priority anymore his family is. Its also difficult to do stuff for others and well try to expect something in return. As much as you want it to be a give and take relationship it hurts when the other person doesn't give as much or goes at the same level with your efforts.

Posting my thoughts here has been like my only avenue to vent out myself. I like being quiet and observant. Some people think of it as a negative trait cause I just try and keep everything to myself. I just always feel that when I do voice out people misinterpret the things I say and I feel that everything is just going to get worse. So I decided to keep everything to myself.

Its weird that I enjoy being alone most of the time. I just feel that I can do more things and I feel like I do not have much load to carry since I only bring with me myself and I can think better.

Right now my dream of going to the US again is like put on hold and that frustrates me. I understand my parents situation and who am I to demand right? Seeing it once was such a beautiful thing. In a way I really got to convince myself of how I want my life to be. In every place I have been and food that I ate I made sure to myself that I would absolutely work hard cause my dream is partially realized. I had a taste of what my life could be in my future.

And now being in this position and situation of feeling stucked and helpless it pains me. All I could think of is to be in this place and it hurts cause everything seems to be indefinite.

I know that part of my plans being on hold or being indefinite has a reason. Hopefully everything will fall in to place sooner or later.

I Passed the Exam

2006-10-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

Its harder than I thought it would be but a lot of practice goes a long way :)

See more progress on: Pass the ielts exam

Why I like johnglen

2006-07-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

I like John Glen cause he is my brother so its not as if I am left with a choice hehe… JUST KIDDING… the GREATEST BROTHER a sister could ever have… the sweetest and one of the most persevering guy i have known… cause he is the only guy I know just kidding… He just always give his best in everything and I look up to him… he is my hero :D

Learn more about johnglen

Getting Close To My Goals...

2006-07-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday our results have been released finally... it was such a funny feeling cause most of us who took the local board exam were kind of "immune" already with the news of results coming out...

So it was a Tuesday night me and my parents were in SM Manila i just went with them to buy some stuff for the shop... it was so funny I kept on seeing the poster of Gapuz since they have a review center there... I was at a point of being in a bad mood cause seeing him reminds me of the issues with our batch in this years NLE...

I got home and checked out the Pentagon Forum and suddenly I saw posts by people that results are going to come out the following day it was around 1030pm by then so I thought I would just wait for 12am to strike since they said it was confirmed already that results will come out...

Me and my other friends from the review center had this conference in YM and we were all so tensed and by that time my mom and dad arrived here in the condo and I did not have any intention to tell them that the results were already coming out... cause if I failed I could just cry to sleep and let them know on their own by the time the newspaper arrives in the morning.
So at our YM conference suddenly someone posted this link and they said we can now see the list of the passers... too afraid to do so me and my friend AJ were asking each other shall we take a look at it? So as I was also simultaneously having a chat with my brother I was so nervous so I decided not to look at it as I was trying to look for nursing articles to post in this new job I have at Pinoy BSN. So I saw this article in PhilStar about Nursing results released and so I though wow this nobody has posted this yet so I clicked on the article and then as I was reading through it I saw below the list of successful passers... so I was cramming and then suddenly WTF... i had to face it so I browsed and looked for my name... then there I finally saw it... so everything was a blur during that moment so I message my kuya and asked him a favor to check out this link... and then he said yup its confirmed you passed the test....

So I turned around to my mom and I told her like whispering mom RN na ata ako... she jumped and jumped and it was just the best moment ever... I cried and my mom cried... it was such a great accomplishmet not just for me but for my whole family...

Indeed it was the turning point of my life... after the daily blessed sacraments and everyday petitions in the church of like more than 30 masses it was all worth it now I have to do the same for my thanksgiving...

So now I am officially a REGISTERED NURSE cannot wait in the oath taking...

2005-07-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of Pink Bonnet Girl

Welcome to My Journal

2005-02-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

Pink Bonnet Girl welcomes you to her life!

See her daily experiences, learnings and opinions here... a place of total bliss and haven for my mind.

Hope you enjoy reading my entries here. If you like my travelogues at www.codedmushroom.com then I hope you would like it here as well!